MARYROSS' blogs

It was reported that Philippine troops killed a leading Islamist militant that was wanted by the United States. Mobin Abdurajak was said to be the senior leader of the Abu Sayyaf group in the Philippines. Since the Philippines is mostly Catholic, Abu Sayyaf is the most notorius of several active Muslim rebel groups. It was said that Philippine troops invaded his safe house in Tawi-Tawi, which is located south of the country. The United States offered $20,000 for his arrest because he was wanted for the abduction that happened in 2000 of 21 tourist in the Malaysian resort.

This has been an on going issue in the Philippines. The Abu Sayyaf has been a threat to the Philippines because of its numerous terrorists attacks that it has done in the country.

Labels: Current Event

I took a variety of pictures in Ocean Beach that I thought is oppression. I mostly took pictures of grafitti on the wall and the different living conditions in OB. Out of all the photographs that I took in OB, I thought that this picture depicted what oppression is. I took it in an angle to show all the grafitti and cracks on the building. It then leads the audience to a clean white door. I found how the picture shows all the writing and different marks in an angle that makes the audience look closer and farther into the picture. It portrays a lot of the buildings in OB because most of these buildings are uncared for and people live or work at these places. I believe that this picture displays the abuse of the buildings which leads to oppression because of the bad conditions that people either have to live or work in.

Labels: Photographs

Brooks, Kevin. The Road of the Dead. United Kingdom. The Chicken House: 2005.

I selected this book becasue I wanted to read something that would always make me turn the page. I wanted to read a mysterious thriller with a lot of twists and turns in the plot. One of my friends recommended this book to me a while back so I decided to read this book next. This book is a teen thriller with tons of twists, heart racing action scenes and keeps the readers on the edge of their seat until the last page. This book takes place in Lychcombe where the two brothers find closure on their sister's rape and murder. The time period that this book takes place in is in modern days.

The Road of the Dead is about two brothers who learn about their sister's rape and murder. Cole and Ruben travel to Lychcombe in search of their sister's, Rachel, body. What they thought was a simple task of bringing her body home turned out to be a journey of revenge when they find out that they have to find the killer before they can take Rachel's body home. The unhelpful poilce will only release Rachel's body from the morgue and buried in peace after the case is closed. Ruben and Cole didn't realize that that the status surrounding her murder is a lot more complicated than what they thought. As the arrived to Lychcombe, they are met with a friendly married couple who are obviously hiding something, police that will do everything they can not to find the killer and town thugs who are trying to get in the way of Ruben and Cole's investigation of their sister's death. Although the brothers are still determined to catch the killer.

One of the main characters in the story is Ruben. He is a fourteen year old boy who is the younger brother of Cole and Rachel. He is quiet, comtemplative and very keen. He has the ability to feel whatever his brother or other people are feeling. Ruben is a person who dislikes violence but despite his brother's violent side, he trusts Cole with a great amount of respect. I chose Ruben because I can relate more to him. I'm not really into violence although I still respect and trust people despite their violence. The ability to feel what others feel is what interested me because it's like he looks more beyond the basic. He looks at different perpectives and tries to study what other people are feeling to try and find what he and his brother were looking for.

I enjoyed reading this book because it kept me turning the pages to see what happens next on the quest to find Rachel's killer. It was pretty interesting because it showed different perspectives of what was going on in the plot. The only thing that I was concerned about was that the story ended too fast because Cole found a key evidence to their investigation but Ruben questions him "Does it matter?" It didn't really inform me about anything but I think the main point that the story was trying to convey was to never give up. Even though there are obstacles that will try and stop you, keep on going. I would recommend this book because I enjoyed reading it and it wasn't the type of book that leaves you hanging. Although it is a bit graphical in the sense that it can be a bit disturbing and there are some questions that weren't answered but it's still a nice thriller novel to read.

I think this book compares to real life because in the world today, there are people who suddenly disappears, whether it is a boy or a girl, mom or dad, kid or teenager. Then their bodies would be found somewhere in a desolate area and their bodies were either raped, brutally murdered, etc. It reminded me of the Daniel Van Dam case because after her body was discovered, her parents tried to find the truth behind her death, not letting anyone stop them. I'm not sure if this book is important to read but it gives a journey that some people do go through in finding out the truth about some cases.

If I were in Ruben's shoes, I think that I would've done some of the things he did. I would also feel what others are feeling to put me into their shoes and also to go my way on doing my own study of what could've happened to my older sister. I think I would acted the same way he did. I think an alternative ending for the book was to extend a little more on what was found and not just leave the reader hanging. I think that a little more information in the end might of done the trick but I liked how it book ended with an open ending where it takes my imagination to a whole different level.

Kevin Brooks wrote four other novels before this book which were also juicy teen thrillers. Some of his books were Candy, Kissing the Rain, Lucas, and Martyn Pig. Like this book, it started the same way with a mysterious opening talking about the situation then transition to what happened before that situation. I do plan on reading other books like this but a little less graphic. I don't think that I would always read a book like this but maybe once in awhile.

Labels: Book Report

Hipkins, Gavin. Digital image. [The Homely: Te Wairoa]. 1999. 12 Dec. 2007.

It has been almost ten years since I've left New Zealand to escape everything that I have been through while I was there. I left all the memories that I had, whether it was good or bad, I left it to help me move on. As I sit here writing in this journal, the only thing that runs through my mind is the time when I thought I have found my soulmate. It all started when my family and I moved to New Zealand when I was six years old. It was hard trying to start a new life in an entirely different country. I had to get used to the culture and the people of this country and I thought I wasn't going to be able to survive. Although as the days passed, I met this boy who helped me adjust to their culture. He taught me everything that I needed to know and showed me how to do certain things that he does on a regular basis. Years passed and our relationship grew stronger as we spent more time together. Emotions developed between the both of us and I thought that he was the one that I could spend the rest of my life with. One day, when we were about eighteen years old, he took me to a place that meant so much to him. He took me to the place where he always goes to relax and forget about all his problems. We walked through a cave like tunnel until we saw a light shine at the end. As I followed him, I heard the falls of the water and the cool breeze of the wind. I stood behind him and looked out into the scene that stood before us. We stood right behind the waterfall and watched the water flow in the river. I leaned against the rocks and felt myself float on thin air. All my problems and worries seemed to have vanished as I took in the environment I was in. Since that day, we both promised each other that we'll always meet up there. However the next day, I arrived without seeing him in sight. I sat there waiting for him, wondering what was taking him so long. All of a sudden, I felt a really cold breeze past by me, as if someone was hugging me. I decided to go home that night and as I walked into my house, his parents sat in the living room looking at me. Their face were so pale and weak, their eyes seemed like they have cried for days. I questioned their look and it took them awhile to talk to me. After about a few minutes of silence, they told me that he got into a horrible accident earlier that day and didn't survive. I couldn't believe what I was hearing, I didn't know if I wanted to stand there crying or run so far away. I stood there in shock and didn't know what to do. Honestly after that day, I had a hard time moving on. I lived everyday of my life with him by my side and now he was never there. After about three months, I decided to move back to America and try to forget my life in New Zealand. However, it didn't work. Everytime I sat there with nothing to do, he was the only thing that pops up in my memory. It took me sixteen years to realize how much he meant to me and how much my heart was pulling me to go back to New Zealand. Now I sit here looking out into the setting that I was in, looking out into the Te Wairoa falls and writing in this journal. I sit here, in the place where we were always suppose to meet up.

Labels: Creative Writing

I don’t think it is an obligation or duty to save this person’s life. Although, it is ethically right to do so. Saving this man’s would only hassle me for nine months, not do any harm to me or kill me. It’s like helping a homeless by giving them some change to buy food, volunteer at a nearby hospital or give gifts to those children who are in need. The outcome is that it makes us feel like a better person even though sometimes it can take up some of our time. However, there are still some people who are selfish human beings and just care about their own necessity. Overall all, some people enjoy that feeling inside from helping others in need in the community or the world.

If I were in that position, I would help that person in need, unless it was a person that did nothing but care about them. I wouldn’t mind spending nine months connected to this violinist or even a famous person that has took some time to contribute something to the world. Certainly, if it were a family member or a close friend, I would be more eager to help them out in times of need. Overall I think that it just depends on the person; it’s up to the person who’s being hooked up to the violinist to decide whether or not they want to help this person.

Labels: E:Prompt

Last Wednesday, Decemeber 5, Philippine police arrested an army soldier who supposedly took part in last week's failed coup attempt, as he tried to board a flight to the U.S. at the Manila ariport. Private Alvin Celestino was caught as he made his way on board a Northwest Airlines flight to Detriot. He had a U.S. visa but didn't have permission from the authorities to travel. This arrest was related to the 14 officials who walked out of their trial last Thurday, November 29. Most of those who walked out surrendered after government forces drove an armored carrier through the front of the Peninsula Hotel in Manila where they fired tear gas and warning shots. The rebels, which was led by Sen. Antonio Trillanes, Gen. Danilo Lim, had both been under arrest for their supposedly roles in the past coup plots. Both had tried to demand Philippines's President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo's risingition due to a series of corruption scandals and human rights abuses. They are backed up by cilivian leaders like Philippines's former Vice President Guingona and two Roman Catholic Bishops. However these groups were still not successful in impeaching the President.

The result of all these military coups in the Philippines made the government set a curfew from 12am-5am to avoid another similar situation. In my opinion about this is that instead of working together as a government despite all their economic difference to make the Philippines better, the government is just making it worst for all their citizens because they never get anywhere with all their commotion. That's why there is no improvement being made in the Philippines because all these government officials argue and fight instead of working together to help make the Philippines a better place and helping all those in need. Also to find a way to pay off their national debt.

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Labels: Current Event

As I walked around the Children's Hospital, I saw how each child was in need of special help. Although there was one child that caught my eye. I walked into his room and observed him as he slept on his medication. It disappoints me to see that a child so young has to suffer an illness like his. As he awoke, I looked at him, interested on how he would react if he saw me standing there. He stared at me and smiled. At that moment, my heart melted and I sat right beside his hospital bed. I spoke to him wondering what his illness was. He told me that he had heart cancer which is a rare case of cancer. He didn't have anymore time to enjoy his childhood because as the days pass, he keeps on getting weaker and weaker. Because of my curiosity, I asked him what he wanted and he replied "an orange turban". When I asked him why, he answered by saying that when he dies, he wants to take it with him as a memory of his dog. Again because of my curiosity I asked him why. He said, "Because my dream is to ride on the back of Barder and fly into the stars." I could tell from that moment that his dog meant so much to him. I left him alone as he laid to rest again. However when I came back to visit him and give him a gift, he was on life support. I laid my gift beside him, on his hands, and looked at him for awhile. I thought about his dream and told the doctor that it would be better to let his rest than make him suffer. As the doctor turned off his life support, I held his hand and wished for his dream to come true.

Labels: Creative Writing

In music, piano, forte means loud which can be the strongest point of the song. In the picture, the pianist looks like she's using all the momentum in her hands to make the notes on the piano louder.


In a busy city like Downtown, San Diego or even Paris, France, there are discreet homeless people. Sometimes we don't realize that they are in a corner because we only worry about ourselves. Like in the picture, the focus is on the woman's legs but if we look more into the picture, we could see a homeless person sleeping on the side where no one else can see them.


Dancing can be seen as so many things. It can either be a way to express yourself, exercise, or a passion. Either one you choose, dancing is a passion that expresses emotion and sometimes can be as intense as doing multiple back flips in the air. As a dancer myself, there is emotion and vehement that can be shown in dancing like in the picture. Although the person is breakdancing alone, it's another way to express your passion in dancing whether you're by yourself or with a group.


Tae Kwon Do is a Korean martial art and combat sport that requires strength, balance, endurance and devotion. Each belt ranked must be earned meaning that a student has to work and train hard and has a wide knowledge of different techniques and is able to memorize all the forms of belt. A tae kwon do student must have much zealousness to earn their black belt rank.

Definitions:
subtle- delicate or faint and mysterious
vehement- strongly emotional; intense or passionate
zealous- full of, characterized by, or due to zeal; ardently active, devoted, or diligent
adverse- opposing one's interests or desire; opposite; confronting
averse- having a strong feeling of opposition, antipathy, repugnance
blatant- brazenly obvious; flagrant
alleged- doubtful; suspect; supposed
aggravate- to annoy; irritate; exasperate
discreet- modestly unobtrusive; unostentatious
factoid- an insignificant or trivial fact
flout- to show disdain, scorn, or contempt; scoff, mock
forte- a strong point, as of a person; that in which one excels
disinterested- not interested; indifferent

Labels: Vocabulary

I’ve always thought that a family will always stay together. Although my thoughts and opinions of a family came to an end when my mom left both me and my dad. It all started when I was about 6 years old. I can still remember how it happened and when it happened but I never saw it coming. I observed how my dad expressed the way he felt towards my mom. How much she meant to him and how much he loved her. He always told her how he felt and he never hid anything from her. On the other hand, I observed how my mom spent more time outside of the house, away from my dad. It was as if she didn’t feel the same way my dad felt about her. Out of nowhere I heard a tumult going on outside of my room. As I walked out to the stairway, I can feel my heart beating rapidly, as if I know something is going to happen but I didn’t know what. I sat on top of the stairs making sure my parents didn’t see me and watched what was going on between my parents.

“What’s your problem? Why in the world are you acting like this?”

“You’re asking me why? Christopher can’t you see…I’m sick and tired of the way I’m living my life! I’m sick and tired of living my life with you always there.”

“What are you talking about, Krista? What did I do to you to make you tired of living with me? I’ve always been honest with you and I never hid anything from you. Not a single thing!”

“That’s the thing! You’re always so honest and it’s making me feel as if I have to be honest with you too.”

“Isn’t that the reason why we got married in the first place? To make this work we have to be honest with each other and tell each other what’s going between us. Tell me, how honest have you been in this marriage? Everything I do is for the sake of Johann, for him to grow up in a house with both parents. Isn’t that what you want to?’

“Of course I want what’s good for Johann. But now it’s time for me to be honest. Every time I’m with you I feel as if you were suffocating me with all your honesty. I want something else and I know you can’t give that to me.”

“Krista, do you still love me?”

“I’m sorry Christopher.”

I couldn’t believe that my mom didn’t love my dad anymore. Of course being 6 years old at the time, I didn’t really understand why my mom and dad were having problems. But when my mom said that she no longer love my dad, that’s when I realized that there’s really no such thing as love. My mom left that same night, and I never saw her again.

As the days went by, I observed my dad and saw the pain he was going through. My dad spent hours at our dojo, tiring himself out trying not to think of her. That’s when my dad started spending time training me to be a tae kwon do artist.

To be honest, I didn’t like to spend my afternoons with him because I can see the pain he was in and it’s hard for me to look at him that way. I watched him as he taught his tae kwon do classes and it was pretty obvious that he was hiding everything inside of him.

“Hey dad…”

“Yeah.”

“Are you ok?”

I won’t forget the way he looked at me that day. His watery eyes shined in the light and his frown turned into a small smile.

“As long as you’re here, I’ll be fine.”

However as time passed, my dad no longer treated me like his son. It was as if I was just a tae kwon do student of his, learning the art and fighting styles in order to earn a black belt. I realized that my dad was never ok. He was strong on the outside but weak in the inside.

I said to myself that I didn’t want to turn out like my dad. I don’t want to end up falling in love with someone and in the end, leave me like how my mom left my dad.

A year passed after my mom left us and things were still the same. My dad was still isolated in his own world, working as if there was no tomorrow. I am out of school, away from all my friends, away from the place where I’d rather be. The only time I spend time with my dad is when I have tae kwon do classes where I work as hard as everyone else. Most of the time, I’m stuck in my room with no one to play with, no one to talk to.

“If my dad can hide what he feels, then so can I. I’ll hide everything from him and everyone else. I’ll hide all my problems and tell nobody about why I am hurting. I will show everyone that I am strong, that I am bad and no one can mess with me. I’ll show mom and dad that I don’t need them in my life. If they don’t have time for me, then I won’t have time for them. I’ll show them…I’ll show them.”

There was never anything to do in the house except practice my tae kwon do forms. One day I went skateboarding around my neighborhood, looking at every kid my age with their parents by their sides. I just sat on the curb and watched, thinking how it would’ve been if I was in their position.

“Hi…”

I looked to my right and saw a boy my age standing beside me. I squinted up trying to block the sun from my eyes.

“Hey…”

“Why are you just sitting there? Shouldn’t you be skateboarding?”

“Nothing…I just don’t feel like it right now. Are you new around here?”

“Yeah, we just arrived yesterday. I just wanted to see how the area looked like.”

“Oh…that’s cool…I guess.”

He sat down by me and looked at the same direction I was looking. It was weird; I never talked to anyone who’s new to the area.

“Oh yeah, my name is Terrence Bautista.”

“Johann…um Johann Rodriguez.”

“Cool name!”

“I guess.”

“So you skate? Dude I skate too! I’m also into tae kwon do but I haven’t found a new dojo yet.”

“You’re into tae kwon do too?”

“Yup…I’m a green belt 1st degree at my old dojo.”

“Um…my dad is a tae kwon do instructor. Our dojo is only 3 blocks away from here.”

“Dude, that’s cool! So what belt rank are you?

“Blue belt 2nd degree.”

Ever since that day, I was always hanging out with Terrence. We play video games, go skateboarding and attended tae kwon do classes together. I never told him about my past or what happened to my parents. I trust him but I don’t want to tell him everything because maybe one day, he might go away like what my parents did and I didn’t want the only person that I hang out with to go away. Although one day he became suspicious by the way I acted.

“Dude…Johann why are you always so quiet? It’s like you don’t care about anything in the world.”

“This is just the way I am...so get used to it.”

“But I don’t get it, even with you’re dad…”

“Just get used to it. If you’re really my friend then you’ll understand why I act like this. I’m not as nice and open as you are.”
“Ok…fine as a friend I’ll try to get used to it.”

Terrence was always there as a friend and as a brother. He spent more time with me than my dad and as time went by, I was getting used to the fact that my dad was and never will be there for me. Terrence was the only person who understood me, who understood why I acted a certain way and why I barely open up about myself. He’s pretty smart too because he figured out why my dad and I don’t get along. 2 years passed and both Terrence and I were getting ready for our first tournament. I was a brown belt 2nd degree and Terrence was a red belt 1st degree. My dad was training us so hard that he forgot that it was my birthday, the same day as my mom’s. My 10th birthday, I was sweating from kicking and punching, learning and practicing different techniques to get me ready for the tournament. After practice, my dad just left, not even telling me where he was going. I didn’t want to expect that he was going to get me anything or that he even remembered what day it was.

“Happy birthday, Johann!!! You thought I forgot too, huh?”

“No, I know you remembered.”

“Ha-ha…yeah right. Well here’s my gift, I asked my mom to buy for me.”

“Well duh! You don’t have a job.”

“I know…just open it please!”

I was surprised to see how big the gift was. The truth is that I never expected to even get a gift this year. The gift was wrapped in a silky, silver wrap with the words “HAPPY BIRTHDAY” written all over it in different colors. As I opened it, Terrence was staring at me with a huge smile on his face. His light brown, hazel eyes shone in the light as he waited for me to see what was inside of it. I was shocked to see it was the skateboard that I’ve always wanted, a Plan B Rodriguez Venti Complete.

“You like it…huh? You know you like it!” Terrence joked as he looked at the reaction that I had.

“Thanks dude!”

“That’s all you got to say to me?”

“What else do you want me to say?”

“Ha-ha just playing. Dude can you at least smile?”

I gave him a quick smile. Although I still can’t believe he made his mom buy me that skateboard. It must’ve cost about more than $100.

“Ha! Finally you smiled!”

“Thanks dude…your mom too.”

“No problem dude…you’re like family.”

Family. I haven’t heard that word in a long time. That night when I went home, my dad still wasn’t there. I wondered where he could be, if he even remembered what day it was. I sat on my bed with my new skateboard on my lap listening to music. It was a dark and quiet night; no one was home but me. I stared at the skateboard Terrence gave me. It was the best present that I’ve received so far, especially when my parents forgot about my birthday. I just felt guilty because I didn’t show Terrence how thankful I was for the skateboard he gave me. I guess he’s used to it though.

All of a sudden I heard the door slam downstairs. Heavy footsteps stomped against the stairs, one foot at a time. I pretended to sleep, thinking that he would come into my room. Instead he walked straight into his room and closed the door.

About two weeks passed since my birthday and nothing has changed between me and my dad. It was a sunny but cool day with clouds covering the April skies. The wind rushed passed me as I skateboarded through the neighborhood. It was a pretty quiet day, not as many kids were out playing and not as many cars passed by me. Even Terrence was out of sight, I haven’t seen him for the past 2 days.

Suddenly out of nowhere, someone honked from behind me.

“JOHANN!!!”

I turned around and saw Terrence running towards me.

“Sorry I didn’t tell you I was going out of town for the weekend.”

“Oh…it’s ok dude.”

“Hey, come over to my house later for dinner. I want to introduce you to someone.”

“Who?”

“Just come over and you’ll see…ok? See you tonight.”

“Yeah…whatever.”

Terrence smiled and ran back to their car.

Later that day I skated down to Terrence’s area. As I got to his house, I noticed that there was a different car on their driveway. Either they bought a new car or they have visitors. I walked towards the door and stood my skateboard against the wall. I rang the doorbell and Terrence’s mom greeted me.

“Johann, I’m glad you can make it.”

“No problem, Auntie.”

“Come in. Where’s your dad?”

“Oh as usual…I don’t know.”

“Ha-ha…come on. Terrence is in the dining room.”

I followed Terrence’s mom into the dining room and as I walking towards them, I could hear Terrence laugh his heart out.

“HEY JOHANN!”

“Hey.”

Terrence got up from his seat and pulled me towards everyone else.

“This is my best friend…Johann Rodriguez.”

“Hi.”

I looked at everyone at the table. All of a sudden I felt uncomfortable from everyone looking at me. My heart felt like it was going to explode because I wasn’t used to the attention.

“Johann, this is one of my closest friends from my old area. This is Nikki Gil.”

“Hi…so you’re Johann. Terrence keeps talking about you.”

“Really? About what?”

Out of nowhere Terrence interrupted Nikki.

“Oh it’s nothing. Oh yeah, Nikki is moving here too.”

“That’s cool.”

I didn’t know how I was supposed to reply. I mean I barely know her so I didn’t know if I was supposed to be happy. The night went by slowly as we all ate dinner. Later that night, Terrence’s mom took out their karaoke machine and began to sing. I remember how Terrence and I were giggling while his mom was singing because she sounded so constipated.

“Hey what are you two laughing at?”

“Oh it’s nothing mom.”

Terrence looked at me and started making faces as his mom kept on singing. Suddenly he stared at me and pointed at Nikki with his eyes.

“So what do you think about Nikki?” he whispered.

“I don’t know. Why?”

“It seems as if you don’t really like her.”

“How am I supposed to like her if I don’t know her?”

“True…but she’s moving here and she’ll be going to school with us so you have to be friends with her.”

“I could be friends with anyone I want to be friends with.”

“And one of them is Nikki. Come on do this for me, she’s my friend and you’re my friend. She’s really cool once you get to know her.”

“Dude…you’re talking to me like an adult you know that?”

“Well I am mature at times. But seriously get to know her please.”

Before I was able to answer him, a voice that sounded so calm and sweet distracted me. As I turned around, Nikki was holding the microphone in her right hand looking at the T.V. screen, singing one of Whitney Houston’s songs. Her voice took me away as she belted out the song. I was surprised that she could sing like that. I watched her make those facial expressions and the way she moves her hands, it seemed so natural to her. Terrence elbows me and I came back to reality.

“Dude, does she take singing lessons or something?”

“Yeah…why?” Terrence stared at me in a mysterious way, “Don’t tell me…you like her voice huh?”

“No…I didn’t say that. She just sounds pro…that’s it.”

“Ha-ha yeah right. I bet you want to get to know her now huh?”

“What are you talking about?”

“You like her…”
“Dude I’m only 10…and she has cooties…”

“Ha-ha-ha…Dude nice excuse. That’s like a long time ago.”

“Whatever. Her voice is just nice ok…and that’s it.”

Terrence kept staring at me with those curious eyes of his. Nikki finished her song and Terrence told her to sit by us.

“Nikki, Johann likes your voice.” Terrence looks at me with a big smile on his face.

“Oh…thanks.”

“Uh…yeah…no problem.”

I didn’t know what else to say. Instead I decided to go home before I made a fool of myself.

“It was nice meeting you…Johann.” Nikki smiled at me.

“Yeah…it was cool. See you around.”

“Johann…let my dad drop you off.”

“Naw dude its ok. I could skate home.”

“Ha-ha…naw?”

“Oh I meant no…”

“Ok…are you sure?”

“Yeah…I’ll just see you around.”

I skated home and when I arrived, all the lights where off again. I looked out into the dark street thinking that my dad might be behind me, but no. I went in and spent the whole night alone.

“Hey wake up!”

“W-wh-what?”

“Get up!”

I looked at my alarm clock and it was only 5:45 am. I didn’t get it, why is my dad waking me up so early?

“Johann! Get up…you need to start working out and getting ready for the tournament in a month!”

Wow. It’s only for the tournament. The only time he remembers I live in the same house is when he wants to get me ready for something.

“HURRY UP!”

“OK!”

I jumped out of bed and brushed my teeth, put some sweats on and ran down stairs. My dad was standing by the door, holding his tae kwon do bag. He turned and looked at me and told me to do a warm-up jog around the neighborhood which is about 5 blocks and to meet him at the dojo when I’m finished. I took a light jog around the neighborhood feeling the cool air pass through me. When I reached the 3rd block, I could see Terrence sitting on his swinging bench with Nikki. As I came closer to his house, Terrence recognized me and ran to his gate.

“Johann? Why are you awake already? And why are you running?”

“It’s jogging, and my dad woke me up to start my training for the tournament coming up next month. Wait, why are you up this early?”

“I’m always up this early. You just don’t know because you wake up late on the weekends.”

“Where’s Nikki?”

“Why?”

“Nothing…wasn’t she beside you earlier?”

“Yeah, she went inside because she didn’t want to see your ugly face.”

“Ha-ha. Funny. Well I have to go, I have 2 more blocks to jog and my dad is waiting.”

“Oh ok, see you then.”

“Yeah.”

I jogged away feeling the cool air pass through me again. Sweat began to roll down my face as I got closer to the dojo. I could feel my heart and my lungs giving up on me. I’m just not used to waking up so early to jog. As I arrived to the dojo, I saw my dad outside smiling while he was talking on his cell phone. When he saw me coming, the smile he had on his face disappeared and put his cell phone in his pocket.

“All right Johann, go ahead and stretch your legs and your arms.”

“Can I get a drink first?”

“What?”

“Sir, can I get a drink, sir?”

“Yes you can.”

“Kamsahamnida.”

“Cheonmaneyo.”

As I got a drink from my Gatorade bottle, my dad went inside the dojo and made another phone call. I tried to ignore it and started to stretch out but I was still curious why my dad was smiling while he was on the phone. The truth is that I haven’t seen him smile like that in a long time. As I continued to stretch out, I heard my dad laughing inside the dojo. Seriously, I really want to find out what is making my dad so happy. Maybe it’s my mom, who knows, right? When my dad walked out of the dojo, all my thoughts shattered as I tried to refocus.

“Johann, come in here.”

“Yes, sir.”

I ran inside the dojo and bowed towards the dojo, facing the South Korean flag and to my dad, who is not really my dad at this point.

“Sit right there and I want to tell you what to expect during the tournament.”

So I sat down and wondered what the difference between this tournament and the other tournaments I’ve attended.

“Ok, since you are now a brown belt, this tournament will be slightly different because you are really close to earning your black belt. When doing your forms, you will not only do the form for your belt color, which is Taegeuk Chil Jang, but you will also do Taegeuk Il Jang to Taegeuk Yook Jang. So you will have to practice all the forms that you are suppose to already know. When sparring you will now be doing head shots so you have to be ready for that also. If you earn a gold or silver in either sparring or forms, you will automatically be a black belt 1st degree. During your practices and regular classes, you will be working on your forms and different techniques. I also want to test your speed and your jumps and see if we have to work on it. Any questions?”

“No, sir.”

“Okay, with that said, get up and I want you to do your forms from Taegeuk Il Jang to Taegeuk Chil Jang. Make sure you have power in doing your forms and always look straight ahead.”

I did the best I can with my forms and surprisingly, my dad didn’t correct on anything nor had any complaints. I guess I did it correctly. After I did my forms my dad started me off with different kicking techniques. Later on we focused on different jump kicks, like a jump hook kick, and different speed kicks, like the tornado. After about 2 hours, we moved on to blocking, faking and attacking. As I looked at my dad, I couldn’t tell if he was proud of me or a bit disappointed because he had a serious look the whole entire time. Another hour has passed and I was worn out. Sweat ran down my face, my shirt was soaking wet and it looked like I have just jumped into a swimming pool. My dad gave me a 30 minute break for me to catch my breath and to get hydrated.

“Good job. I didn’t expect that you knew so much.”

“Yeah. I practice a lot.”

“That’s good. After your break, we’ll put on our sparring gear and start practicing head shots and different techniques you did today.”

“Okay.”

As my dad walked away to go outside, I saw him reach for his cell phone again.

“I didn’t expect that you knew so much. Well maybe it’s because you’re never there?” I said to myself while my dad was outside talking to someone again.

Thirty minutes passed and my dad walked inside the dojo again.

“Break’s over. Get your gear on.”

“Yes, sir.”

I reached over and got a chest gear, arm and shin pads, foot pads, gloves, a mouthpiece and a head gear. As I was putting on my gear, I looked over at my dad and thought about how great it would feel if I defeated him in this sparring practice. He may get hurt but he’ll be surprised at what I know.

“Ready?”

“Yes, sir.”

We jumped onto the mat and my dad showed me how to block head shots and how to attack. He showed me how my jump kicks can come in handy and to be aware of blind headshots. Once he showed me everything that I needed to know, we began to spar. I threw different techniques and threw many fakes that caught him. After about 15 minutes of free sparring, my dad yelled break.

“Wow. It’s only been 15 minutes and I’m already all out of breath. Wh-where did you learn how to spar like that?
“You.”

“Really?”

“No, like I said, I practice a lot and I’ve been getting ready ever since.”

“I guess we don’t have to practice as much. Well since you are better than what I’ve expected, we’ll practice every weekend instead of on weekdays because break is almost over right?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Ok, that’s it. You are dismissed.”

“Kamsahamnida.”

“Cheonmaneyo.”

I gathered my stuff and before I left, I took a glance at my dad and caught him taking out his cell phone again.

I was alone the whole day. After practice, my dad didn’t even come home. There’s barely any food in the refrigerator and I was starving. The house was too quiet. There were no footsteps, no noise, no anything. I just sat in the living room playing video games and eating junk food, which I know isn’t healthy, especially for an athlete.

RRRRRRIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNGGGGGGG…….

“Hello?”

“Hey Johann, are you busy?”

“No. I’m tired though.”

“Oh really…I wanted to ask if you wanted to play at the park.”

“I don’t feel like it.”

“Well…how about Nikki and I just go there?”

“And play video games? It’s up to you guys…I don’t really care.”

“We’ll bring over some movies and food.”

“Ok…it’s up to you guys.”

“Ok see you then.”
After about 30 minutes, someone door belled. I stopped the game I was playing and answered the door.

“Hey Johann!”

“Hey Terrence. Hey Nikki.”

“Hi.”

“Uhm…come in.”

“So dude, we brought over some pizza and hot wings to pig off on and a couple of movies.”

“That’s cool.”

“I’ll go ahead and fix the food in the kitchen.”

“Yeah sure, it’s your house now too.”

Terrence walked over to the kitchen with the food and I was left with Nikki.

“So…..”

“How was your practice thing this morning?”

“Uhm…ok. It was tiring but yeah.”

“How long have you been doing Tae Kwon Do?”

“For a long time. How long have you been singing?”

“Ever since I was 5 years old.”

“That’s cool.”

“Ok, food is all set!”

Terrence walked out of the kitchen with the pizza and the hot wings still in its box.

“What did you do in the kitchen?”

“Nothing…I just wanted you to talk to Nikki.”

We spent the entire day watching movies and playing video games while pigging out on the food that Terrence and Nikki brought over. At least I wasn’t alone. It was better like this, having people over to watch movies with and play video games with. Nikki got up to use the restroom. As she walked away, I couldn’t help not looking at her. I didn’t realize that Terrence was looking at me.

“Johann…”

“What?”

“I just noticed this…you never looked at a girl the same way you look at Nikki.”

“What are you talking about? I wasn’t looking at Nikki; I was looking at…what time it was.”

“Yeah right…you were looking at Nikki.”

“No I wasn’t. Why would I look at her?”

“Ok…ok…whatever you say.”

Nikki came back and both Terrence and I pretended that we were watching the movie the whole time. Suddenly, Terrence started moaning and ran to the restroom. Nikki and I looked at each other and Nikki started giggling. I couldn’t help it again; I was staring right at her.

“Johann, are you ok?”

“Huh? Oh…yeah why?”

“You looked so serious.”

“Oh.”

“Johann, I know that I don’t really know you but are you usually like this?”

“Like what?”

“You’re quiet and sometimes when you’re talking to someone it seems as it you’re pushing them away.”

“Oh…I don’t know. I guess I just grew like this.”

“Do you even smile?”

“Once in awhile…”

“Since I’m moving here, I hope I can make you smile a lot.”

“You can try…”

Terrence was in the restroom for a long time, so I had time to get to know Nikki and she had time to get to know me. We talked a little bit with some pauses throughout our conversation. I don’t know why but at that time my heart was beating rapidly, exactly like how it was when I saw both my parents fighting. I’m only 10 years old so I don’t know what’s going on. Terrence finally came out of the restroom and we continued watching the movie. I took one glance at Nikki and I smiled…but she didn’t see that.

There were only a few more days of spring break and Terrence and I were at the park practicing our forms and techniques. It was a cloudy, cool day and there were many people out enjoying the weather. The grass was moist that it made both Terrence and I slip at times.

“Dude…are you ready for the tournament?”

“I guess. How about you? Aren’t you also participating?”

“I don’t know. I want to though.”

“Wait. So you’re parents don’t want to participate?”

“It’s not that…I might be moving to France.”

“You’re kidding right?”

“No…my parents are starting a business up there so yeah.”

“Is it final?”

“I don’t know. Hey…you’re going to miss me huh?”

“Yeah right.”

The truth is that I will miss him because he’s the only person that understands where I’m coming from.

“Wait. Where’s Nikki?”

“Whoa…is Johann really looking for Nikki?”

“No…I’m just making sure she’s going to be here while you’re gone.”

“WOW! You’re replacing me?”

“For the meantime…just kidding.”

“Just kidding? You’re not even smiling.”

“Of course, I never smile.”

Later that day as I was skating home I noticed from afar that the lights were on in the house. I thought that maybe someone was robbing the house but they wouldn’t turn on the lights. I stopped in front of the house and saw that the lights in my dad’s room were on. I walked inside of the house and no one was down there. As I walked towards the stairs, I heard my dad laughing again.

“Gosh…my dad is going nuts…”

I didn’t bother to check up on him and see what’s going on. The only thing that ran through my mind was at least he was home and I wasn’t alone. I went up to my room and shut my door. I turned on my radio and lay on my bed. There was only one thing that I kept on thinking about, about how it would be if Terrence left. I know I never told him that he was the only person who understands me, who knows what I’m going through and the only person I trust. I thought that if I keep all of my feelings to myself, the people that mean a lot to me won’t ever leave me. I looked out the window and into the sky, wishing that I can see a shooting star. I closed my eyes and thought about everything I hid from everyone. As I opened my eyes, a tear rolled down my left eye and that’s when I realized that I have to be stronger, stronger than I am now.

The days passed and it was back to school again. It was the same routine everyday; get up, go to school, attend tae kwon do practices, do homework and sleep. On the weekends I train with my dad and in the afternoons hang out with Terrence and Nikki. Nikki finally moved into the neighborhood, right across from my house. The more I hung out with Nikki, the more I got to know her. Although the more I hang out with her, the more she thinks I’m a jerk.

It was a Friday afternoon and Terrence and I were at the dojo waiting for class to start. Everything was awfully quiet, either Terrence or I were talking.

“Johann…”

“Huh?”

“Umm…I won’t be finishing school here anymore.”

I looked at him with a shocked look on my face.

“You’re really leaving? You won’t even finish this school year?”

“No…my parent’s business is about to open and we have to be there to run it.”

“Oh…when are you leaving?”

“Next week…I’m gonna miss the tournament.”

“Does my dad know you’re leaving?”

“Yeah…I think my mom talked to him already.”

“You’re still coming back…right?”

“Yeah…of course!”

“Oh ok…at least I don’t have to miss you.”

“Ha-ha…I know you’re going to miss me.”

My dad started class and as we got up, Terrence looked at me with a big smile on his face.

“You’re going to miss me…”

“No I’m not.”

As the days passed, Nikki and I hung out with Terrence more before he left. We did everything that Terrence and I enjoyed like skateboarding, basketball, video games and of course tae kwon do. We had to teach Nikki some stuff but it was still fun. I never told Terrence but I always wanted the days to go slower because I was scared to lose my only friend. The night before he left, Nikki and I stayed over at his place to help him pack his belongings. While we were organizing everything, Terrence stopped and looked at me.

“Johann remember this?”

“What?”

"The picture we took at Geoff’s pool party.”

“Let me see it.” I looked at the picture and looked back at Terrence. “Oh, this picture. Didn’t your swimming shorts fall when you jumped off the diving board?”

“Dude…you still remember that? You didn’t have to say it out loud…now Nikki knows.”

“At least she wasn’t there. Dude that was a bad picture…I was about to throw up.”

“Shut up.”

Nikki started giggling and looked at both me and Terrence.

“Wow! I didn’t know that Johann could be funny even if he has a serious look on his face.”

“Believe me…there is more to him than what you think.”

“Hey. I’m not that bad.”

“Yeah…you’re just a jerk.” Nikki replied with a big smile on her face.

“Ha-ha Johann…I didn’t teach her that.”

“Yeah, whatever.”

We continued to help Terrence pack until it was time for me and Nikki to go home. Terrence wanted the both of us to come over at his house tomorrow morning before he leaves because he wanted to tell us something that he couldn’t tell us at that moment. I decided to walk Nikki home, since I had no choice because she lives right across from me. It was a quiet night and both of us were silent as we walked home. Suddenly, Nikki asked me a question that I never though she would ask.

“Johann…uhh…do you not like me?”

“Why? Does it seem like I don’t?”

“I don’t know…I could see that you’re upset because Terrence is leaving but I also see that you think that you won’t have another friend here.”

“It’s not like that. I just don’t know you as well as I know him and plus you’re always calling me a jerk.”

“Well it’s because you never smile and sometimes you say offensive things and you don’t even apologize.”

“I’m just like this…sorry if it offends you. I guess it’s because Terrence didn’t complain so I just got used to it.”

“It’s ok…I guess the more I get to know you the more I’ll tend to understand you like how Terrence understands you.”

After about ten minutes, we arrived at our houses and went our separate ways. As usual I’m the only one at the house and my dad didn’t come home at all. I went straight up to my room and laid myself down on my bed. For some reason, everything that Nikki told me ran through my mind and that was the only thing I could think of as I fell asleep. I didn’t even think about Terrence leaving the next day.

The next morning came and I got up, took a shower and got ready to go to Terrence’s place. I walked out the door and noticed that my dad’s car wasn’t there. I have no idea if he came home but left early or he didn’t come home at all. I began to walk towards the driveway and saw Nikki walking out her door.

“Nikki.”
“Oh good morning.”

“Do you want to walk together to Terrence’s place?”

“Yeah sure. Why not?”

We walked over to Terrence’s house and as we got there, we saw Terrence helping his parents put their stuff in the moving truck. Terrence turned around and saw the both of us coming his way.

“Hey…I’m glad you guys can make it…even though it’s pretty early.”

“Do you think Johann and I wouldn’t come?”

“Yeah…just kidding. Well I’m leaving in a few minutes.”

“So…dude do you know when you’re coming back?”

“Nope…”

“Why did you want the both of us here?” Nikki asked.

“Well since I’m leaving and I won’t be here anymore I just wanted to tell you two that when I get back…I want the both of you to be good friends. Just like the way we are Johann, I hope that you and Nikki can be best friends.”

“Terrence! We have to go soon.” Terrence’s mom called.

“I have to go soon. Here’s my new phone number and address in France. You guys have my e-mail so let’s keep in touch ok.”

“Don’t worry…Johann and I will keep you updated with what’s happening here ok.”

“Yeah…Johann…take care of Nikki. Be nice to her…please.”

“Sure…no prob.”

“Ok…I have to go before my mom calls me again.”

“Take care there…group hug?”

“Sure…unless Johann doesn’t want to…”

“Uhh…why not…once in awhile right?”

We hugged each other and said our goodbyes. Terrence walked over to their car and looked back at me and Nikki. He smiled and waved goodbye while Nikki and I looked at him. Terrence got inside their car and before we knew it Terrence was gone.

Ever since Terrence left, Nikki and I have been hanging out almost everyday. During school and after school we’re together. This time I tried to be less of a jerk towards Nikki but I’m still the same person I was even before I met Nikki.

Weeks passed and my dad has been working me hard for the tournament. Finally the day has come for the tournament and I felt ready to fight and earn my black belt. I invited Nikki to come and watch but she had something to do that day. Before the tournament I spotted my dad talking on his cell phone again. That same smile was on his face and I still have no idea what makes him so happy. I tried to ignore it and began to stretch. I practiced my forms really quick and some techniques to be ready for the sparring part of the tournament. I looked at my dad again and this time he was talking to one of the judges. Later on he approached me.

“Are you all set?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Ok…you’ll be going up soon.”

After about ten minutes I was called up to do all my forms. My dad was right; I had to do all my forms although it was not in order. The forms were called out randomly in Korean and I almost messed up. Luckily I was able to see my dad from afar showing me what form to do by the number of his fingers. Later on we moved to the sparring part of the tournament. Brown and black belts have to do three rounds of free sparring. Everything that I’ve trained for came down to this moment. As I stepped on the mat, I could feel the adrenaline rush run through me. I looked at my opponent straight in the eyes. I started jumping to show that I am ready to fight. As the referee stepped onto the mat, I felt more nervous.

“Ok, this is an amateur free sparring. You both can attack on the head since you both are higher belts. When I yell stop, you stop. If one of you doesn’t stop and attacks the opponent, you will have points deducted. This is a point based fight so every attack that lands on the opponent will be scored. The more combination and techniques you throw, the more points you will earn. By the end of the three rounds, the person of course with the highest points wins. Each round will last for two minutes. Also if an attack was done that injured the other, points will also be deducted. You two look ready so let’s get this started. Fight fairly. Ok, bow to each other. Two hands touch and FIGHT!”

I tried to let out everything that I’ve hidden inside of me. Every kick had so much power, every combination and technique surprised him. I blocked and attacked all of his techniques. I stopped all the combinations he tried to throw. The referee didn’t have to stop us in between the fight. Although in the second round, my opponent threw a jumping hook kick that brought me to the mat. As I got up, everything seemed to be blurry. I could barely see my opponent.

“Are you ok?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Can you still fight?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Ok, we’ll continue to the third round.”

I stood up and looked at my opponent in the eyes. This round was for my friends and for my dad who did nothing but not support me. The third round started and I made sure none of his attacks will hit me. As I got a lot of room in between us, I threw a fake round house kick and a powerful tornado. I aimed right at his left cheek and that’s where my kick landed. I saw him loss balance and the referee yelled “STOP” which ended the round and the whole fight. The referee told us to wait in the bench for the final scoring. As we sat on the bench, my opponent took his head gear off and look at me straight in the eyes.

“Dude you fuckin’ cheated. I won’t let no 8 year old defeat me.”

“What are you talking about? How did I cheat? And for your information I am 10 years old.”

“You know what…you need to watch your back.”

That guy didn’t scare me a single bit. Before I could answer, the referee called the both of us onto the mat. I saw my dad standing on the bleachers waiting for the results. The judges announced the scores.

“Ok, for this fight between Johann Rodriguez and Kevin Hernandez, we have a winner. Averaging 180 points versus an average of 120 points, our winner for this fight and who will win the gold trophy is no other than…JOHANN RODRIGUEZ!”

As the judges gave me my trophy and a medal, Kevin looked at me with disgust. When the judges went back to their tables, Kevin move closer to me.

“You don’t deserve to win you boob. You better watch out for the next tournament, I will make sure I will be the one you’ll fight again and I will make sure that you leave the tournament crying.”

“Yeah sure, I’ll wait for that. Oh and correction I won’t be leaving the tournament crying that next time I fight you. I will make sure that you will cry because you won’t be able to beat me. You lost to me today and you will lose to me again.”

“That’s what you think you…”

“Ok break it up you two.” The referee demanded.
I walked back to my dad and he ran up to me and hugged me. I was surprised at that moment and I didn’t know what to say.

“Good job. I knew you could do it!”

“Thanks.”

“Oh wait; I have another surprise for you.”

“What?”

“You also got the gold for your forms! See I told you all those training will prepare you more for this.”

“Yeah. What’s next? When do I get my new belt?”

“Next week during class, I will present you with you black belt and your patches. Then once you turn 16, you will be an instructor. Wow, I finally have a black belter in my class.”

“Yeah. Cool I guess.”

“Ok…you’re free to go anywhere you want.”

“Oh. Ok.”

“Here you can bring everything you won home and display it in your room.”

“Yeah. Sure.”

I left the tournament and walked home. My dad didn’t even at least give me a ride home. I was so tired from the whole tournament and he didn’t even insist to at least bring me home. I mean it was the least he could do after I won all these stuff. As I got closer to my house, someone suddenly yelled out my name.

“JOHANN!!!”

“What?”

I looked up and it was Nikki standing on her balcony.

“Wait for me right there! Don’t move!”

“Whatever.”

I waited until Nikki got down to where I was. When she got down, I remember her running towards me while her hair flew behind her. All of a sudden I felt more tired from holding all my stuff because I felt weaker and weaker as she got close to me.

“Hey, so how did the tourna...oh I guess I don’t have to ask.”

“Yeah.”

“Do you need some help?”

“You think?”

“Yeah…”

Nikki helped me carry my stuff to my room.

“So is your dad bringing you anywhere since you’ve won all these trophies?”

“No. He told me to go home and do anything I want.”

“Well…do you want to hang out somewhere? My parents are fighting again and I don’t want to be home.”

“Heh…”

“What?”

“Nothing…I’ve been through that.”

“Do think they can resolve it?”

“I don’t know.”

“Seriously where do you want to go?”

“I feel like going to the arcade at the mall.”

“At the mall? We don’t have any money.”

“It’s ok, Terrence and I have connections with the owner of the arcade and we get as many tokens as we want.”

“Ok…it’s your day.”

As we walked out of my house, we saw her mom leave carrying a duffle bag. Maybe filled with clothes, we don’t know.
“At least it will be quiet at the house tonight.”

We walked to the mall which was about 20 blocks away. When we got there, we played Dance Dance Revolution, Drum Beats, video games and different sports games. I was having so much fun that I forgot about how my dad just abandoned me like after the tournament.

“Johann!”

“What?”

“You’re smiling!”

“No I’m not.”

“Yeah you were I saw those white teeth of yours.”

“I was just catching my breath.”

“Whatever…at least I finally saw you smile.”

We were at the arcade for about 3 hours. Later that day we went to Wings Street and bought some Buffalo wings and breadsticks to bring back to my place. When we arrived home, we ate everything we bought while watching cartoons.

“Do you think my mom will come home tonight?”

“I don’t know. I don’t even think my dad will come home tonight.”

“I’m just scared.”

“About what?”

“That my parents might get a divorce. How were you able to handle it?”

“I don’t know.”

“You just hide everything inside?”

“Wow, you must really know me now huh?

I looked at Nikki and saw the sadness in her eyes. I saw the pain and fear that she’s going through. I just don’t know what to tell her because Terrence was never this sensitive about anything. I was scared that I might say something stupid or that will make it worst.

“Seriously, I think everything will be ok. They might just need time away from each other.”

“You think?”

“Yeah don’t worry about it.”

That was weird, I mean that felt weird. I never said anything like that to anyone before. We spent the whole night watching cartoons. Around 9:00 pm, I noticed that Nikki was getting pretty tired.

“Are you sleepy?”

“Yeah, I guess I should go home now.”

“Ok.”

I walked Nikki to her driveway to make sure she was ok when she got home. As I walked back home, I felt a little better than how I usually feel. At least I didn’t spend the whole night alone. When I got back I cleaned up everything, locked all the windows and doors, and went to my room and got ready for bed. That was a long day and since I was tired from everything, I was knocked out when I laid down on my bean bag.

It’s been a few days since the tournament and I was eager to get my black belt. I haven’t seen my dad all weekend which is not a surprise. I skated over to the dojo just in time for my class. My dad greeted me at the door. He stood there looking at me as I skated towards him.

“Since when did you start skateboarding?”

“I don’t know.”

“Ok…you get your belt today.”

“Yeah I know. After I get my belt do I still have to attend classes?”

“Yes. You’ll be helping me teach classes.”

“Oh.”

We entered the dojo together and before he started class, he made an announcement about the turnout of the tournament.

“I am proud of everyone who participated in the tournament. Many of you took home gold and silver which was better than I expected. Also for the first time, I will finally be awarding someone their black belt. This person has worked very hard throughout the years to earn this and took home two gold trophies and medals for both forms and sparring. So Johann, please come up here.”

I stood up and walked up to him.
“Yes, sir.”

“Johann, do you promise to respect this belt and not use it to show off on the streets? Do you promise that you will fulfill your obligations as a tae kwon do artist? Lastly, do you promise to stay off the streets and only use this art to protect yourself if necessary?”

“I promise, sir.”

“Ok, take off your brown belt and hand it to me. Here is your brand new v-neck grandmaster uniform and go to the changing room and put on your new uniform.”

When I finished changing, I went back out and my dad was waiting for me holding my black belt in his hands. I stood in front of him and he tied my black belt around my waist.

“Kamsahamnida.”

“Cheonamneyo.”

About seven years have passed and so many things have happen in both my life and Nikki’s life. Terrence and I have been keeping in touch by e-mail and updating each other on what’s happening in our lives. Kevin Hernandez, the guy I had to spar before, still had his grudge against me, especially no that we’re attending the same high school. One thing I found out about Kevin is that his instructor took his belt and kicked him out because of attitude problems and his big head. Nothing has really changed between me and my dad; he’s still the same person he was ever since my mom left. Except now he barely goes home, well at least I have the house to myself. I became an instructor in my dad’s dojo. In fact I’m the only one who teaches all the classes because my dad never shows up. I grew up to be more cold hearted, more of what you may call a “bad boy”, and I tended to lock more of my feelings inside of me. However, Nikki went through something that I’ve been through in the past. When we were both 12 years old, Nikki’s parents got a divorce. I saw how it affected Nikki, I mean she cried for how many days and she barely talked to me. However, Nikki is over the fact that her parents are no longer together. Her dad moved away to Australia and her mom is like my dad, no where to be found. Despite everything that Nikki went through, she grew up to be more beautiful, mature, and intelligent and understanding of who I am as a person. The truth was that we were more than friends, according to her we were best friends. I was more likely to treat Nikki differently from the way I treat other girls, well people.

It was the first day of high school, the first day where I was finally a senior. As usual, Nikki and I walked to school together, although we no longer had the same classes. I walked into my first period class and saw Kevin Hernandez sitting in the last row beside the window. I remember that he was already a senior when I was a freshman and now that I’m a senior, he’s still a senior. He looked at me with those wicked brown eyes and stared at me as I walked down to find a seat. Out of nowhere, I felt an eraser hit the back of my neck and as I turned around, I saw Kevin and his “krew” laughing.

“Dude…what the hell?”

“Aww…is little Johann gonna tell the teacher?”

“Do you have a problem with me?”

Kevin and I both got up and got into each other’s face. His eyes looking straight into my eyes, my hands closed, getting ready to punch him.

“I’ve been having a problem with you ever since the first time I saw you.”

“You have a problem because you’re ass is always getting kicked by someone who is 3 years younger that you?”

“I can kick your ass anytime.”

“Then bring it.”

Before Kevin can do anything, the bell rang and our teacher walked in the class.

“You better watch out Johann…”

“That’s what you’ve been saying for the past seven years.”

I sat back into my seat and thought what a great year it would be if I tried to ruin Kevin’s life. The day went by slow and I didn’t see Nikki until the school day ended. She surprised me while I sat on the bench, the bench we’ve been sitting ever since the first day of high school.

“Hey…how are your classes.”

“Same.”

“I heard Kevin is in your first period class.”

“How’d you know?”

“Everyone’s talking about it. They all know how much you both hate each other.”

“I’m seriously kicking his ass this year.”

“And get expelled on your last year of high school? Yeah, great idea!”

“Whatever. Dude what took you so freakin’ long?”

“Oh yeah…we need to go to the airport tonight.”

“You’re leaving?! YES!”

“No I’m not,” Nikki replied while punching my arm, “We need to pick someone up.”

“Who?”

“I just got a text message from Terrence and he said he’s flying in tonight!”

“Are you serious?”

“Yup, come on Johann, smile…”

“Shut up.”

Later that night, I drove the both of us to the airport and we waited for Terrence’s arrival. After about thirty minutes, Nikki and I spotted a guy who was running towards us. He was wearing skinny denim jeans, white Polo Ralph Lauren polo and a sweater around his waist. It was hard to see his face for his hair was covering his eyes and he was wearing sunglasses. As he got closer, Nikki and I saw that it was Terrence.

“Bonjour!”

Nikki approached Terrence as I stood right behind her.

“Terrence is that you?”

“Bien sûr.”

“Dude speak English.”

“Oh my bad, I said of course I’m Terrence who did you think it was?”

“Some molester running towards us.”

“I see that Johann hasn’t changed a bit.”

“Yeah, he got worse.”

“I can tell.”

“Yeah…Yeah whatever, you guys ready to go now?”

“Wait, I have to use the restroom.”

Terrence and I waited for Nikki as she used the restroom. As I looked at Terrence, I couldn’t believe that it was really him. I mean I haven’t seen him since we were 10 years old but I guess I just got used to him being in France.

“So Johann how’s life?”

“Still the same as before.”

“How’s your dad?”

“Like I said, nothing changed. Except now I barely see him.”

“So you have your house to yourself?”

“Yeah.”

“Hey can I stay over at your place?”

“Of course.”

“Cool, I thought we weren’t best friends anymore.”

“Yeah right.”

“So you and Nikki…”

“What about us?”

“Nothing…it’s just that you two grew up together…”

Nikki came out of the restroom and Terrence didn’t finish what he was suppose to say. We took Terrence out to dinner and we caught up on some stuff that we missed in each other’s lives. I couldn’t help it again; my eyes were glued onto Nikki. I kept staring at her eyes, the way her mouth moved when she talked and the way she laughed. I didn’t even hear what they were talking about. Later that night, after Terrence and I dropped Nikki off, Terrence and I were able to really talk about stuff that we didn’t want Nikki to know about.

“Dude…feel at home…”

“Thanks man, you’re the best. Hey I have a question.”

“What?”

“Do you like Nikki?”

“Here we go again. Why do you keep asking me this?”
“Before I asked you if you liked her as a friend, now I’m asking if you like her as someone that you might go out with in the future. Plus I saw the way you looked at her during dinner.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Dude it’s obvious…you like her more than a friend.”

“No I don’t. We’re friends and that’s it.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah.”

“So…you and Nikki are going through the same thing, huh?”

“What’d you mean?”

“I mean the whole family thing. Your dad is never home, her mom is never home. Both your parents had a divorce. Hold on...your dad is never home, her mom is never home…is that a coincidence or what?”

“She told me her mom is always out of town on business trips and my dad is out there doing his shit.”

Terrence and I spent the whole night talking about random stuff that’s happening in our lives. I told him about Kevin and how much we hated each other. He told me about his girls in France. We stayed up talking…well he was the one who did all the talking.

The days passed and things started to heat up between me and Kevin. Each day he has a new punch line to throw at my face. Especially now that one of the biggest tournaments of my life is coming up in a few months and there was only one person who was so eager to fight me. However in this tournament, he can’t fight but I bet he has a replacement just for me.

After a few weeks since Terrence’s arrival, Nikki and I tried our best to hang out with him. I mean I was able to hang with him because he’s staying over at my place but it’s still different when Nikki’s around. Terrence had been trying his best to make me open up to him about Nikki. However, I won’t let anyone know what I’m feeling inside. About 2 months before the tournament, I spent most of my time after school in the dojo, training. Terrence kept me company while Nikki did some after school activities. While training, I could feel my muscles tighten as I threw a punch or a kick. I felt my sweat run down my body and I could hear nothing but Terrence’s mouth running a marathon.

“Johann…it won’t hurt.”

“Wh-what won’t hurt?”

“It won’t hurt to tell me what you feel about Nikki.”

I kept on punching and punching and throwing techniques on the punching bag. Thinking about what Terrence has been forcing me to do, maybe it won’t hurt. I mean Nikki really has no idea about how I feel about her and I have no idea how Terrence can see right pass me. I stopped for awhile and looked at Terrence.

“Instead of telling you…what should I do?”

“Ahh-ha…I knew…I knew it all along! You like Nikki!!!”

“Only as a friend…I’m just doing this because you’re my best friend and I want you to shut the hell up about me liking Nikki more than a friend.”

“Sure…you’ll thank me in the long run.”

“So what do I do? I never asked a girl out before or even asked a girl to be my girlfriend.”

“Wait, don’t you and Nikki go out sometimes? Just ask her like you normally do.”

“Oh…I knew that.”

“Whoa buddy…you have so much to learn about.”

“Shut up.”

I continued throwing punches and kicks while Terrence told me what to do. I didn’t know how I was suppose to react at that moment. So many things were running through my mind that made me tired every time I tried to push myself more. I tried to block Terrence’s voice for awhile for me to get my thoughts all together. This time I was training alone, without my dad’s help. I mean this tournament can help me get a scholarship because I knew for sure that my dad will do nothing to support me, especially now that he doesn’t come home. Now Terrence is adding more to my stress, trying to make me go out with Nikki. I thought that being the jerk I am, Terrence wouldn’t notice that I looked at her a certain way. The truth is that I was scared, I mean I saw how much my dad loved my mom and what happened to him after she left him. I was afraid that if I told Nikki what I really felt, she would leave me like my mom. I don’t want to turn out like my dad, I know I was better than him in everything.

“Uhm…hello? Am I talking to the wall or something? I’m helping you and all you do is block me out?”

“Huh? Wh-what were you saying?”

“Damn dude…ok back to the beginning.”

“Well you’re the one who keeps talking here. Seriously though, why have you been trying to put Nikki and me together?”

“I won’t tell you unless you open up to me dude.”

“Ok never mind then.”

After I practiced that same day, Terrence explained to me how I should approach Nikki while we were walking back home to my place. I didn’t know that there was a lot to do just to ask a girl out. Sometimes I thought that maybe Terrence is exaggerating with all of this. I knew that he has more knowledge about this because he has have so many girlfriends in France but doing everything he was telling me might make Nikki not like me as much.

“Make sure you compliment her and say something like…do you have a map?”

“Why the hell would I ask that?”

“Because when she asks why, you can say…because I keep getting lost in your eyes.”

“Come on. That’s really corny. I’m not saying that.”

“It’ll work…trust me.”

“It must’ve worked on you…but come on now…the girls you went out with are nothing like Nikki.”

“How do you know? You haven’t even met them. I’m already helping you and what do you repay me?”

“I’m still not saying anything like that.”

“FINE! Then don’t. I’m doing my best to help you and this is what you have to repay me?”

“Dude…I don’t think this is a good idea.”

“Why? You like her, right?”

“I don’t know.”

“Ok…forget everything I said earlier. Just do what you feel like doing so you don’t stress out.”

“Yeah. I’ll just focus on the tournament.”

“That’s your choice.”

I went up to my room and lay on my bed. As I looked up my ceiling, too many things ran through my mind at the same time. Flashbacks of my childhood showed right there before my eyes, as f I was watching a movie. As I reminisced about my past, I realized that I should give this a shot. I saw how my dad treated my mom, I saw the different mistakes he did that might of drove my mom away and I promised myself that I would never do the same.

Each day was the same as the other days that has passed, although this day was different. As Nikki and I entered our high school building, I noticed that everyone was staring at either me or Nikki. The further we walked, the more the people looked at us.

“Johann…why is everyone looking at us?”

“How would I know? I was with you the whole time.”

I decided to walk Nikki to her first period class that day just to make sure nothing happened to her. I didn’t get it, why was everyone looking at us. Before I left Nikki, she held my arm and told me to be careful because she doesn’t feel right about something. While I walked to my class, everyone turned their heads towards me. This time I knew something was going around about me but I just don’t know what. When I turned the corner to go to my class, Kevin and his group were standing right outside the door. As I approached them, Kevin stood up straight and elbowed his friend Geoff to look at me.

“Aren’t you feeling a little uncomfortable?”

“Why? Is there a reason for me to feel uncomfortable?”

“Wow! You’re not scared of anything just because you’ve beaten me so many times?”

“Why would I be scared? Shouldn’t you be scared because I can kick your ass anytime, anywhere.”

“Trying to act all tough huh? Ok…let me give you the details why everyone was looking at you. The reason why they were looking at you is because I want a rematch. A rematch from all those tournaments that you’ve won and made a fool of me. You know I lost my reputation in this school ever since you came here right? Now it’s time for me to get my status back.”

“If you can get it back.”

“All right then...4 o’clock under the bay bridge. This time no protection and no rules…everything goes.”

“Just get ready to get your ass kicked again.”

“That’s what you think.”

The bell rang but Kevin and I stood there staring at each other. I know I have him where I wanted him, he’s so eager to get what he wants back that he won’t be able to focus on the fight. I pushed him with my shoulder for me to pass and got into class before I was marked late. Later on that day, Nikki ran up to me during lunch and punched me on the arm.

“Oww! What was that for?”

“Are you seriously going to fight Kevin after school today?”

“Why do you care?”

“If you guys get caught you can be expelled.”

“So.”

“It’s our senior year. Are you really going to waste everything?”

“Right now I don’t really care.”

“Can’t your dad take your belt away if you use your arts just to fight for reputation? Shouldn’t you care now? I mean come on, all those years that it took you to just earn a black belt and you’re saying you don’t care?”

“He’s never there. So he won’t know about it.”

“Johann…the both of you can get seriously hurt.”

“It’s what he wants. So I’m gonna give it to him. And why do you care anyways?”

“Gosh…I’m just trying to be a good friend who wants to look out for you because I’m scared that you can get hurt.”

“Well I don’t need you to look after me. I can look after myself.”

“Ok…whatever then. Just in case you decide not to fight Kevin this afternoon, I have a concert rehearsal this afternoon, and it would be nice if my two best friends are there to watch.”

“Whatever.”

Nikki walked away from me. I was hoping that she would look back like she usually does but she didn’t. At that moment, I didn’t’ know what I wanted to do. I mean I want to fight Kevin to make him shut up and bring his “big ego” down but at the same time I didn’t want to let Nikki down and I wanted to hear her sing. I didn’t know what was more important to me, my reputation or my best friend who I cared about so much.

It was 3:55 and I walked under the bay bridge. It was a warm day, the sun was shining straight down on me while I waited for another five minutes till Kevin and his group shows up. I waited patiently for his arrival. I didn’t know if I was doing the right thing. I didn’t want to hurt Nikki but I want this feud between me and Kevin to stop even though I know it will never be fixed. I looked at my cell phone to see what time it was and it was already 4:08. I wondered where that asshole was and why he wasn’t here yet. About a few minutes later, out of nowhere, I heard someone scream my name. As I turned around, I saw Kevin walking towards me with a serious look on his face.

“Are you ready to get pulverized by me?”

“Pulverized? I didn’t know you knew such word.”

“Are you calling me stupid? Because you better not be calling me stupid.”

“What if I am? What are you going to do about it.”

He walked closer to where I am. My heart started to beat faster and faster from all the anger that I have for Kevin. Looking at him made me want to terrorize his ego, I wanted to just walk right up to him and hit him were it hurts the most. I wanted to hurt him so bad that I forgot all about Nikki. He stood there, about two inches away from me that I can feel his breath hit my face and boy did it stink. He stared right into my eyes, trying to bluff me or something. I looked away from him and saw that Tommy, Geoff and Rafael stood behind him, one on each side and one right behind him. They were shaped like a diamond, which made me chuckle a bit. As I looked at Kevin again, his eyes were still stuck on me.

“Are you gonna just look at me or are you going to do something? I don’t think we’re here to play a staring contest, are we?”

“Ha-ha. You’re not funny.”

“Really…aww that sucks because you’re funny. You and your so called ‘krew’…I mean come on…what is up with that diamond shaped form?”

“You’re just pissed because you don’t have a krew like I do. All you have is Nikki right? That girl can’t stand up for you…in fact she’s not even here.”

“That’s because I don’t need her to fight my fights. You think you’re all tough? Bullshit. You’re just talk…because you still need your buddies just in case I beat your ass up.”

Out of nowhere Kevin tried to throw a power punch at my face, but his punch was as fast as a turtle and missed me by a couple of inches. I pulled his stiff arm towards me and threw a knee kick on his lower abdomen and kicked him down to the ground. His group was just standing there doing nothing. All of a sudden, he reached for something behind his back. As he took it out, I was surprised to see that it was a gun. He pointed the gun right at me and was about to pull the trigger. Suddenly all of us heard a gun go out. I thought that I got shot but as I looked ahead, I saw six policemen running towards us.

“PUT THAT GUN DOWN NOW!!!”

Kevin looked behind him and placed his gun on the ground slowly. Kevin’s three sidekicks tried to run away from the police, although they weren’t that smart in choosing which way to run. Two of the policemen came up to Kevin and kicked the gun away from him. One of the other policemen handcuffed Kevin and took him away.

“LET GO OF ME! THAT WAS A FAKE GUN…IT WASN’T LOADED!!! IT WAS ALL HIS FAULT IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!”

Another policeman came up to me and led me up where the other officers were taking Kevin and his friends.

“Now son, are you ok?”

“Yes, officer.”

“You’re lucky to have friends who care about you.”

“What do you mean…officer?”
“Your friends reported to the principal of your high school about this confrontation that was going to happen. Your principal then contacted us and explained to us the situation you guys were in.”

“Oh.”

When we got up the bridge, I saw Terrence and Nikki looking at the car that Kevin was in. At that moment, I finally felt something that I haven’t felt in a long time. I felt that for once there were people who really care for me and loved me for who I am. Even though I’ve treated them like crap throughout the years, they were still there for me. I didn’t want to get sensitive and emotional but deep inside I was thankful to have friends like them. As I got closer to them, Nikki turned around and walked towards me. The police officer gave me some time to talk to Nikki.

“I’m glad you’re ok…I got scared when I heard that gun shot…”

“Why did you do that? Didn’t I tell you that I can look after myself?”

“I did this because I…”

“I thought you had rehearsals today? Why didn’t you just go there?”

As I looked into Nikki’s eyes, I saw that tears were building up in her eyes. I saw the puffiness and the shine that the sun was reflecting in her eyes. I felt more of a jerk, more cold hearted than ever. I wanted to tell her what I was really feeling inside, but there was always something holding me back.

“Yeah…I guess I was wrong…I should’ve just gone to my rehearsals instead of helping you. I’m sorry…I was wrong…I knew this was a big mistake.”

“Ni-Nik-Nikki…”

Before I knew it, she walked away from me. I knew I made her upset, I knew I made her hate me but what else could I do. Ever since I was a child, I never opened up to anyone. I guess the more I matured, the more I turned myself away from reality. I watched her as she grew smaller and smaller in the distance. Terrence approached me and looked at me in a way that he never did before.

“Dude…you should’ve not done that.”

“What?”

“Johann…Nikki only did this because she cared. Who care’s if you can handle everything on your own? Is it a crime to look after a friend?”

“I don’t know.”

“If you were telling all those stuff you told Nikki, I would understand because I know why you act this. Nikki understands you but not the way I do. She’s not like me who will just take all the bullshit you do. I know you saw it. I know you know what you just did to her. You barely know the reason why she did what she did.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Dude…are you blind or something? You mean more to Nikki than just a friend. That’s why she’s doing everything to make sure you never get hurt.”

“Yeah right.”

“That’s what you say but I know deep down inside…you’re guilty about all the shit you just told her. Not even a single thank you?”

Terrence looked at me and walked away. The police officer approached me again and explained to me everything that will happen with Kevin. The only thing I remembered him saying is that Kevin will be going to court and receiving his sentence there. At least I didn’t have to worry about Kevin any longer. The officer let me go and I was free to go home. I hated what I did; I mean I didn’t have to hurt Nikki. Terrence was right; at least one thank you was enough.

I arrived home and Terrence wasn’t there. I walked up into my room and stood outside on the balcony that faces Nikki’s balcony. I observed her room but it also seemed that no one was home. I took a deep breath and said to myself that I could still be the cold hearted jerk that everyone knew but I should still consider people’s feelings a bit, especially Nikki’s and Terrence’s.

The days passed however, Terrence and Nikki still hasn’t said a word to me. It was a Saturday morning and I didn’t feel like training that day. I decided to go the beach and relax for a bit but as I walked out of the house, I looked up at Nikki’s balcony and saw the both of them having breakfast. They didn’t even bother to look at me. I felt that it was me against the world again. Everything always seemed to be falling down on me. I got into my car and stared at the steering wheel, thinking what was I suppose to do. The truth was I was pissed at the whole situation that I was into. I backed up my car as quickly as possible and drifted away. I remembered going about 100 mph on the highway while cutting every car that got in my way.

When I arrived at the beach, I was glad that there was not as much people than I expected. I got out of my car and took a deep breath. I inhaled the freshness of the ocean water and felt almost everything has disappeared. I walked onto the beach towards the ocean. I let my feet settle into the cool sand and sat myself down with my knees about a few inches away from my chest. I stared out into the ocean and thought about everything that had just happened. After about thirty minutes of sitting on the beach, I got up and decided to walk around. As I was walking for about two hours, someone suddenly called me from a distance.

“SIR RODRIGUEZ!!!”

I turned around and someone familiar was jogging towards me. As she got closer, I realized that it was Casey Torres, one of my tae kwon do students who is the same age as me.

“Hi sir, I didn’t know you come to this beach.”

“Yeah. Just call me Johann…we’re not at the dojo anyways.”

“Oh…ok…it’s weird seeing you outside of the dojo.”

“It’s weird teaching you.”

“Aww…why?”

“Because we’re basically the same age.”

“Ha-ha I know right.”

“I’m hungry right now…do you to have lunch with me?”

“Uhm…yeah sure. I don’t get to have lunch with my tae kwon do instructor as much.”

“Yeah. So…what do you feel like eating?”

“I know this great Hawaiian restaurant just 4 blocks away.”

“Ok…come on I’ll drive.”

We drove off to the Hawaiian place she was talking about. As we were eating I didn’t know how chill Casey was. I mean I thought that she was a little preppy girl who just wants to learn tae kwon do for self-defense. However, she was the opposite of that. She was really simple and down to earth, she lived life the way she wants to live it and I could tell that she lives in a world where everyone loves her. I sat there listening to her wondering how it would’ve been like if I were a different person. Although after a moment of silence, she wanted me to open up to her. The whole world knows that this was my weakest characteristic.

“Why are you so quiet? In class you’re so demanding and loud.”

“That’s different, I’m teaching a class so of course I have to be demanding and loud. However, because I am teaching, I don’t have to open up to anyone.”

“It’s just weird because I thought that you were those type of guy who thinks the whole world revolves around them.”

“Yeah. I’m nowhere close to being like that.”

“What are you then? A jerk?”

“How’d you know?”

“Just a wild guess. We’ve been eating here for awhile and I still haven’t seen you crack a smile.”

“I don’t smile.”

“Hmmm….I see…you’re a mysterious type of guy huh?”

“You could look at it that way.”

Although I didn’t talk as much, I knew that she understood what sort of person I am even though she didn’t know why. We left the restaurant and headed back to the beach. Instead of returning to an empty beach, we returned to a jam-packed beach. People were everywhere; jogging, walking, relaxing, surfing and anything else people can think of to do at the beach. While I walked Casey to her car, she asked me some personal questions that I couldn’t answer.

“Why are you so dedicated in tae kwon do? I mean when I first enrolled in tae kwon do and your dad was the one teaching, you were already there. I thought that after you got your black belt you would’ve stopped and do something else.”

“Growing up I wanted to be better than my dad so I continued tae kwon do until I became an instructor. Eventually, that was when he stopped attending class and I had to take over. Plus I don’t have to worry about going to the gym because I’m already getting my workout just by training.”

“Oh yeah…aren’t you participating in that tournament thing?”

“Yeah.”

“Wait, you said you wanted to be better than your dad. Why though?”

“It’s a long story.”

“Have you ever had a girlfriend?”

“Why are you asking me this?”

“I’m just asking…I mean I was just wondering because you have so much potential.”

“Potential?”

“Yeah. You have a great taste in clothing, you play sports, you work out, and you look good!”

“Stop being nice…you won’t be getting any double promotion for that.”

“You’re so funny. Well this is my car. Oh yeah I can’t make it to any of the classes for the next three weeks because I’m leaving for the Philippines.”

“Oh that’s cool.”

“Well good luck on the tournament. Hopefully you get what you want out of the tournament.”

“Thanks.”

Casey drove off and I walked back to my car. I walked along the sidewalk of the beach and recognized Terrence and Nikki playing a one on one volleyball game. I wasn’t sure if it was them but then Terrence spotted me and hollered my name. Nikki turned as she held the volleyball in her hands.

“JOHANN!!! COME OVER HERE!!!”

I glanced at Nikki and saw her turn her head to the ocean. I knew that she didn’t want me there right at that moment. I sensed that she wanted to stay far away from me for awhile after all the crap I said.

“NO IT’S OK.”

“COME ON JOHANN!!! WE HAVEN’T HUNG OUT IN HOW MANY DAYS!”

“MAYBE NEXT TIME. I’M PRETTY TIRED.”

I headed home and locked myself in my room for almost the remainder of the day.

I had only two more weeks till the biggest tournament of my life. This is where everything is going to be tested, my endurance, power, balance, technique and knowledge will be put to the test. There will be masters that will be judging in the tournament, also college scouts will be there examining each and every participant to see who’s good enough to join their tae kwon do team. I had a huge opportunity to be offered a scholarship, which I really needed. I spent everyday, after school and weekends, training and getting my self in shape, especially for sparring. I was aiming in joining the sparring team known as “Team Champions” which is one of the best sparring teams in the country.

One day while I was training, Terrence walked into the dojo. I didn’t realize that he was there until he said my name.

“You need a sparring partner?”

“You willing to get your ass kicked?”

“I’m used to it. Plus I want my best friend to be the best and the smartest tae kwon do artist there.”

“Yeah. There are two skilled tae kwon do artists sparring in the ring but only one of them is the smartest and is the one who will win the fight.”

“And the one who fights like a wild cat will miss every punch or kick he throws.”

Terrence and I sparred for almost an hour, taking about five minute breaks in between. The whole time we were sparring, I felt the adrenaline rush through my body, the rhythm of the fight. I made sure my confidence was high, my endurance was where I wanted it to be and the courage to be able to fight for something that I really wanted was in me. We finished sparring and took off all our gear. Terrence and I rested in the dojo for half an hour, trying to catch our breath. I thought about every technique that Terrence and I threw at each other. Terrence instructed me with different techniques I should do and he also pointed out the things I did well on and what I needed to improve on more to be ready for the tournament. Even though I’ve been in tae kwon do longer than him, I still respected every critique he told me. I mean I’m going to be sparring against people as good as him.

“Hey Terrence.”

“Yeah?”

“Uhmm…I’m sorry for that other day.”

“No it’s ok. I should be the one saying sorry because I just left you out of the blue. I know you didn’t mean to do it.”

“Yeah. I’m sorry man.”

“Oh yeah…Nikki’s concert is two days from now. It would be nice if you showed up to support her. I mean she missed on of her rehearsals for you so I don’t think it would hurt if you give up one of your practices for her.”

“Does she even want me there?”

“Let’s just make is a surprise. Oh, and you know how Nikki and I have been hanging out…I found out something you don’t know.”

“What?”

“You and Nikki share the same feelings for each other. Aww…isn’t that sweet?”

“Yeah right.”

“Ok but you need to be there. Just don’t show any signs that you are going.”

“Yeah.”

We locked up the dojo and walked home. We were worn-out and once we got to my place, I went straight to my room and instantly fell asleep.

I kept my distance from Nikki before her concert. The day before her concert, I stood outside my balcony and observed Nikki. I didn’t want it to seem that I was spying on her or anything, I was just curious what she has been up to for the pass few days. As I gazed upon her window, I saw her sitting down on her bed reading a piece of paper out loud. Maybe she was practicing or just memorizing her songs for the next day. After a few minutes, she went outside with her headphone in her ears while holding her Ipod in one hand and a pack of papers in the other. I watched her as she stood on the side of her balcony and was singing along to maybe the song that was playing on her Ipod. I tried to make sure that she didn’t see me but as she turned towards me, I think she realized that I was out there looking at her and walked back in her room and closed her blinds. Right at that moment, I felt like a person without a friend in the world. Yeah Terrence and we were okay again but I grew up with Nikki and now she’s been avoiding me. I walked back into my room and blasted my radio really loud. I laid on the floor and thought of a way I should apologize to Nikki.

Later that day, Terrence walked into my room and started screaming. He just barged right in without even knocking. As he walked in, he stared at me in an odd way.

“Hey Johann – what are you doing on the floor? And why is your music so loud?”

“Huh? What? Can you knock next time?”

“Oh my bad…but I have good news to tell you!”

“What?!”

“Do you mind lowering the volume of your radio for a few minutes?”

“Ehh…sorry. Ok what were you saying?”

“The police just called and said that Kevin was sentenced for 2 years and was sent back to Nevada where he is really from?”

“Back to his parents?”

“Yup.”

“That’s what he gets.”

“At least no one will be messing with you any longer. So yeah…that’s what I wanted to tell you. Anyways why are you lying on the floor?”

“Nothing…I was too lazy to lay on my bed.”
“Ok…well it’s Nikki’s concert tomorrow…I’m gonna pass by her place and see how’s she doing. You want to come with me?”

“No it’s ok…I know she doesn’t want to see me right now.”

“Dude don’t be hard on yourself.”

“I’m not. I just know.”

Terrence walked out and I returned to what I was thinking about. I remember how fast the time went because as I looked at my alarm clock, I surprised to see that it was already 5:30 pm. I walked out of my room and at the same time, Terrence was walking into the house.

“Johann…were you looking at Nikki earlier?”

“Huh?”

“Nikki told me that when she went outside to her balcony to practice, she saw you looking at her.”

“So that’s why she went back in.”

“Yeah…dude she’s still pretty pissed at you.”

“What did I do again?”

“You didn’t apologize yet. She doesn’t want to be the one to approach you.”

“I’ll apologize when I feel like apologizing. Did you tell her anything or did she tell you anything else?”

“No…except that she’s pretty nervous because like you, she’s trying to get into one of the biggest music schools in the country and there’s going to be college administrators there.”

“Oh.”

“Tomorrow, sit by the back so she doesn’t see you ok.”

“Yeah. Whatever.”

The next day, Terrence left early and went to Nikki’s place to help her out with some last minute preparations for the concert that night. Terrence was like her personal chauffer, driving her to the salon and those other places that girls go to, to get ready. I got dressed and decided to go to one of the best flower shops in San Francisco. I ordered a dozen of pink and white roses to be delivered to the place she was having her concert. I also arranged a dinner for three at Fleur de Lys after her concert just to make up for everything I did. Around 3:30 pm I started to head to the place where Nikki’s concert was going to be held. When I got there I was surprised to see at how many people where already there. The parking lot was almost full, luckily I found a spot. I stayed in my car and called Terrence to tell him to go to the Fleur de Lys after the concert with Nikki. Terrence then told me that Nikki was upset because her mom isn’t going to be there but she was ready.

I walked into the auditorium and found a seat close by the door. Some of Nikki’s friends spotted me and approached me to ask why I was in the back and not in the front. I just told them that I wanted to be by the door so I can get out faster. About thirty minutes later, Terrence walked in and saw me.

“Hey. Why do you want to go to Fleur de Lys?”

“I just guessed that maybe Nikki was going to be hungry and plus were dressed up so it’s a place we should go to.”

“Are you paying?”

“No…your mom is paying.”

“Really?”

“No. How in the world is she going to pay if she’s in France?”

“Oh…my bad…I was just kidding. Well I’ll go ahead and sit over there.”

The concert started.

The truth was I was really bored because Nikki hasn’t come out yet. About after 8 performances, Nikki was up on stage. She sang about six songs which she belted out pretty well. I didn’t realize that my mouth was open the whole time until I felt something wet rolled down my mouth. I was surprised at how well she has improved during the years. Before Nikki sang her last song for the night, she said a few words about the song.

“This song means a lot to me. It was the first song I chose to learn when I started taking voice lessons. Throughout the years this song has helped me cope with everything that has happened to me. It gives me more strength to face each day. I would like to dedicate this song to everyone who has been an important part of my life. This is “Try it on my Own” by Whitey Houston.”

I suddenly remembered this song; I just don’t remember where I was when I heard this song from. The way she sang the song sounded so familiar, it was so calm and natural. The way she made her hands move freely with the song, how she belted out the high octaves of the song. I closed my eyes and listened closely. As I opened my eyes, I remembered that that song was the first song I heard her sing when I first met her about eight years ago. The respect I had for her while she sang was the same respect I had for her back then. I was captivated by the song that I didn’t realize that my mouth was wide open again. When she finished her performance, I got up and left. I didn’t bother to watch the other performances because in the first place, I only came there for Nikki. I left to go to the restaurant where were all supposed to meet. Before I left the parking lot, I sent Terrence a text message reminding him again.

At the restaurant, I waited patiently until they arrived. I was anxious that they might no longer come because Nikki is tired or she just doesn’t want to eat out. After about forty-five minutes of waiting, my phone rang and to my surprise it was Nikki.

“Hello?”

“Hey dude…we’ll be there soon. Nikki is just changing.”

“Wait…why do you have Nikki’s phone?”

“Oh my battery died. You thought it was Nikki calling you huh?”

“Well duh…it’s her name that showed up on my cell phone. Then all of a sudden I hear a deep voice talking to me.”

“He-he sorry about that man. Dude…Nikki received a dozen of roses.”

“Oh really…who’s it from?”

“I don’t know, there was no note. I thought it was you.”

“Why would I give her roses?”

”I don’t know. It’s like a Johann thing to do. Hey Nikki is coming…we’ll see you there aight.”

“Aye. Ok.”

I waited for another thirty minutes. My back was towards the door so Nikki didn’t recognize me. Out of the blue I felt someone laid their hand on my shoulder. I turned my head and the first person that caught my attention was Nikki then Terrence. I stood up and looked at her. I didn’t know what to tell her at that moment. Terrence sat down and kicked my leg.

“Dude say something. It’s like you’ve just seen a monster.”

Nikki just stood there.

“Hey…Nikki…”

“Hi.”

“Uhm…sit.”

I sat back down and Terrence kicked me again. He whispered to me that I should get my ass up and pull the chair out for her. I got back up and pulled out Nikki’s chair. I glanced back at Terrence and saw him giggling.

“Uhm…sorry about that.”

“It’s ok…I know you’re not used to being a gentleman.”

I couldn’t believe it at that moment, Nikki just told me off. I felt like a big fat loser, a loser who does everything wrong and nothing right.

“Wow! Johann…Nikki just told you!!!”

“Shut up and just order food.”

I sat down and kept my eyes on the menu. The table was quiet as we each looked at what they served at Fleur de Lys. When the waiter took our orders, neither of us was talking. That was an awkward moment; it was nothing like I expected it to be. Terrence started a conversation with Nikki asking her all about the concert. They seemed to be entertaining each other and I sat there like I was a chaperone or something. Even when the food came, they were still talking and it obvious that they were enjoying the night more than I was. I mean they laughed, I stared, they talked, and I ate. I was like a reporter listening on an interview.

“Oh yeah…Nikki, did you know that Johann was at the concert? Right Johann?”

“Huh? Oh…yeah.”

“Are you sure Terrence, are you sure he was there or you’re just trying to make me believe he was there because if he was there, I would’ve seen him, right?”

“Seriously Nikki, Johann was there. Tell her dude.”

It seemed that Nikki didn’t want to believe that I really did watch her. I was stuck between two answers, whether to tell her that I did watch or lie and tell her that Terrence is just saying stuff. I didn’t know which answer she wanted to hear.

“Dude…come on Johann tell her.”

“I-I-I wasn’t there. Terrence is just saying that to make me look good.”

“WHAT?! NO I WASN’T! Johann was really there, I promise. Dude man why are you lying?”

“Terrence, Johann said he wasn’t there, so he wasn’t there. Just leave it as it is. Excuse me, I need to use the ladies room.”
Nikki got up and walked to the restrooms. I noticed that she walked pretty quickly to the restrooms, like she was about to run or something. I looked at Terrence and I could see that he was really disappointed.

“Why the fuck did you say that?”

“She didn’t to believe that I was there. So I went along with it. What's the big deal?”

“Dude…to tell you the truth you are the most ignorant person I know. She just wanted to hear from you that you really did watch. Johann, instead of making it better, you made it worst.”

“How the hell would’ve I have known! I don’t understand girls like you do ok!”

“You’ve just hurt her more. I thought that you planned this dinner to make up with her; I didn’t expect that you’d be more stupid than ever and ruin her night. You have no idea how many college administrators approached her. It was her night man…you couldn’t even respect that?”

“I messed up again. You should’ve seen it coming.”

“You’re fucked up.”

I looked down at my food and just stared at it. I felt Terrence’s hard looking eyes gazed upon me. Again, another stupid move made by the great Johann Rodriguez! I want to tell her the whole truth but it’s just locked up inside of me. I still haven’t found the key that will help me unlock everything that’s been hiding in there for the longest time. Nikki came back and I took a quick glance at her. I saw that she cried in the restroom because her eyes glowed in the light and puffed up at the bottom.

“Terrence, I’m ready to go. There’s no reason to stay here any longer. I’ll just meet you in the car.”

“Yeah, I’ll follow.”

Nikki got up and looked at me.

“Oh yeah, thanks for making this night memorable Johann. Good night.”

I watched as she exited the restaurant. I turned my attention to Terrence and I could see the disappointment in his eyes.

“Didn’t I tell you to take care of her before I left? Didn’t I tell you to be nice to her? Do you even remember what you replied? You said no prob. But what are you doing now? You’re on your own. I’m no longer going to be a bridge between the both of you, I won’t even help you. It’s up to you to make things work. Think about it.”

Terrence got up and hurried out to Nikki. I sat there feeling so stupid. I had no idea that this night was going to turn out like this. I thought that before this night ends, Nikki and I will be back to being friends. I’ll admit it; I wanted her to be my girlfriend because she was the first girl who ever understood me. Shit…I have no idea what I’m going to do.

I left he restaurant and drove home. I couldn’t concentrate on the road; my eyes kept moving around, my mind was spinning. I pulled up to my house and sat there in my car. I glimpsed over my rear view mirror and momentarily looked at Nikki’s house. The lights in her room were still on, meaning that she was still awake. I walked into my house and Terrence was sitting on the couch watching American Wedding. Terrence looked over at me and continued watching the movie. I guess he decided to watch a comedy to forget about what happened that night. I stood there thinking of what I was supposed to do next. I turned around and walked back out of the house.

I moved slowly towards my driveway and looked up at Nikki’s window again. I was about to get in my car to drive somewhere but instead my feet dragged me over to her place. My hands were quivering as I rang the doorbell. I was worried that once she opens the door and sees me standing there, she would just shut the door. After about 2 minutes the door opened. When she saw me, I could see the shock in her eyes.

“Uhm…ca-can we talk?”

“Come in.”

I walked into her house and sat on the couch. Nikki sat across from me, making it easier for me to see her reactions.

“What do you want to talk about? About what happened tonight or what happened a few days ago?”

“Hmm…a-about both I guess.”

“Johann don’t make it hard for yourself. If you don’t know what you came here for, then I suggest you leave because I don’t want you to waste anymore of my time.”

“Can I just get all my thoughts organized? I don’t want to make another stupid move towards you.”

“Whatever. When was the time you made a smart move?---“

I sat there as she kept on talking and talking, making me look like a loser in her eyes.

“I’m sorry.”

“What?”

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for being a complete jerk when you helped me the other day, when I made my pride roll all over me and didn’t thank you. I’m sorry for saying all that shit to you that same day. I’m sorry for making your night miserable. I’m sorry. I-I’m just really sorry ok.”

“Are you having a hard time saying this?”

“Why? Is it hard to believe that an asshole like me knows how to apologize?”

“Tell me Johann. Were you really there at my performance?”

“Why? Why does it mean so much to you?”

“Just tell me.”

“Yeah I was there but I sat in the back.”

“If you were there, what was the last song I sang?”

“Try it on my Own by Whitney Houston and it was the same song you sang when I first met you.”

“Ok. Anything else you want to tell me?”

“Uhm…I don’t know, like what?”

“Nothing, nevermind.”

“Well that’s all that I wanted to say. I’m sorry again if I might have wasted your time. I’m gonna go.”

“Did you feel guilty?”

“What?”

“Did you feel guilty that’s why you came over here to apologize?”

“Yeah. Good night.”

I didn’t bother for Nikki to walk me out of her house so I got up and left. I walked over to my place and Terrence was still watching. I went straight to my room and went to bed.

Even though I have apologized, nothing has really changed between both Nikki and I. I spent all my time in the dojo getting ready for my tournament that was in a week. Everyday counting to that tournament, I spent every minute of it getting my stamina ready for the fight and all my free time has been dedicated to that upcoming event.

The day before the tournament, I didn’t work myself as hard as I usually did. I did a few punches here and there and practiced my kicks and techniques just to be ready. After I practiced for awhile, I went home and tried to relax a bit. Later on that day while I was on the balcony listening to my Ipod, someone knocked on my door. I thought it was Terrence but as I opened my door, I was surprised to see that Nikki was standing in front of me.

“Terrence, can I talk to you really quick?”

“About what?”

“I don’t know…about anything.”

“Ok…come in. Let’s just talk over there on my balcony.”

We walked over to the balcony and sat on the patio chairs. It was silent for a little while until Nikki started talking.

“So you’re tournament’s tomorrow right?”

“Yeah.”

“Are you ready?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s good.”

“Are you gonna come and watch?”

“Sure, if you want me to. Uhh…Johann, I just wanted to apologize because I was a bitch to you. I also wanted to tell you that I forgive you.”

“That’s a relief. I didn’t know you knew what bitch meant but its ok, I know that’s how I act anyways.”

Nikki and I spoke to each other for awhile until she went home and I went to bed. I know I might have acted a little different towards Nikki this time but it won’t change the fact that I’m still this cold hearted, self minded person.

Finally the day that I have been waiting for has come. I got up and stretched a bit then went out for a short warm up jog. As I was jogging, there was nothing else that ran in my head, the image of my mom and dad fighting, my dad’s departure from my life, my problem with Kevin and everything that happened between Nikki, Terrence and I all disappeared. My motivation at that time was doing my best during this tournament because my whole future laid on how I performed in front of the judges. I jogged all the way up to the dojo and threw a couple of kicks and punches to get me ready. I looked up at the clock and it was already 9:30. The tournament was at 12 o’ clock. I jogged back home and ate a light breakfast, took my vitamins and put on my martial arts uniform. As I was getting ready to leave, Terrence knocked on my door.

“Hey Johann?”

“Huh, I’m in the restroom.”

“Oh. I just wanted to tell you that I’m glad that you made your move in fixing things up with Nikki.”

“Yeah. I know right, the first time I did something on my own?”

“Yup. Well anyways, how are you feeling? Nervous?”

“No. I’m ok I guess. I mean I’ve worked hard for so long and now this is my time to shine. Well…I am pretty nervous because I’m afraid that I can’t get a scholarship or maybe I’m lacking on something but overall I’m pretty chill.”

“That’s good to know. So…Nikki and I will be waiting for you downstairs all right.”

I walked out into my room.

“You guys are going to wait for me?”

“Yeah, I’m driving. We want to you relax and do your best today. We’ll be there supporting you. I mean we have to be there to see you kick some ass, right?”

“I guess.”

Terrence walked out of my room and I sat on my bed. I looked up to where all my martial art belts were hanging and smiled while no one was looking. I got up and wore my black belt and my martial art shoes. I looked at myself in the mirror and took a deep breath.

“Time to shine.”

I walked out of my room and we headed to the stadium where the tournament was being held. When we arrived, I was surprised to see that so many people showed up this time. We walked in and the whole stadium sounded like a concert that I would go to. Terrence and Nikki went ahead to find a seat on the stands and I went and registered. I was an independent fighter, meaning that I wasn’t on a sparring team. I stood on the sidelines until I heard my name, stretching out again. I felt my heart beating so fast and the adrenaline of the fight was getting into me. While I was waiting, I saw Rafael, one of Kevin’s friends.

Damn I knew it; Kevin has reserved someone for me to fight against.

Rafael saw me and gave me one of those looks that you give to your opponent. I approached him bluffing him with every step that I made.

“What do you think you’re doing here?”
“I’m here to fight you, Johann Rodriguez.”

“Yeah right…you’re not that skilled to go up against me.”

“I don’t care. I’m going up against you and do whatever it takes to make you go home crying.”

“In your dreams homie. Even if you give your best shot, you’re going down.”

“We’ll see…I’m going to take everything from you and I’ll make sure I’m the person that everyone is fighting about.”

“Scouts won’t even look at you.”

“Oh yeah? Why not?”

“You don’t even look confident. You’re all talk but don’t worry I’ll do all my talking on the mat.”

“Don’t worry…I’ll be listening.”

“Let’s see if you can make it to the final round.”

“I will. I assure you that.”

The tournament started and I fought different opponents in each round. The tournament is produced of six rounds of free sparring. The first round had all the participants paired off and whoever wins that round will fight another opponent who also won in the first round and so on. In the sixth round, only two pairs will be sparring and the two who wins in that round will face off in the championships. From there, there will only be one winner. Each round went by so fast, the full ten minutes felt like only one minute. I treated each fight like my last fight. I made sure that I had different techniques and moves to fool every opponent. There was only one smarter fighter in the mat every time and I made sure that I was one of them. Finally the sixth round came; I had to spar against a guy I sparred before when I was a green belter. He was a pretty good fighter but he never caught me with his fakes. I threw so many combinations at a time and moved out in order to block is counter attacks. At the end of that round, I dominated him and moved on into the championships. I was given a ten minute break to refresh and get hydrated again. As I was resting, someone I didn’t expect approached me.

“Are you Johann Rodriguez?”

“Yes, sir.”

“I’m Master Gary Gomez and I’m from the Tae Kwon Do International School. I’m also the director of one of the best sparring teams here in the U.S. I’m not sure if you’ve heard of Team Champions, but that’s the team that I handle. But I know you have one more fight so I won’t any more of your time. However, I would like to have a few words with you after the competition no matter what the outcome of the fight is.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Good Luck.”

“Thank you, sir.”

I couldn’t believe it, the team that I wanted to be on so bad wants to speak to me after the tournament. After the break, the referee of the tournament introduced the two fighters who were going to spar in the championship round.

“We are finally in the championship round of this tournament. All our participants have done so well in the past rounds so let’s give them a round of applause. Now we have two very skilled black belt contenders who will be sparring in this round. In the black master uniform, wearing red protective gears is Rafael Cruz. In the white grandmaster uniform, wearing blue protective gears is Johann Rodriguez. The same rules apply in this round. The points will be determined by technique, combinations and landed attacks. A deduction of points will happen if rules are broken during the fight. Fighters ready? Fight fairly. Ok, bow to each other. Two hands touch and FIGHT!”

Rafael and I took time examining each other, we were each throwing fake techniques until Rafael finally did the first attack. He threw a double roundhouse kick that I blocked and countered him with a fake backhand punch and spinning backhand punch which landed on his temple. After that attack, Rafael and I went all out on it. Rafael couldn’t land any of his power kicks on me because either I blocked it or I countered his combinations. Rafael then threw an axe kick that missed me by a centimeter and before his foot landed on the ground, I threw a sidekick and a jump spin hook kick that landed right on his neck. Rafael was about make another move but then the referee yelled “STOP!” The crowd went wild, everyone was cheering for the both of us. I looked over at Rafael and held my hand out in front of him. Rafael smiled and took my hand. As he took my hand, we held it up high. We bowed to each other and the referee told us to hold tight as the judges deliberated. While we waited Rafael stood close to me.

“Hey man, sorry for the shit I was saying earlier. You were not as easy as what Kevin said.”

“It’s all good. It was a good fight.”

“Seriously dude, you’re really good. I had no idea. Anyways all those stuff that Kevin and our group did to you, I’m sorry aright. I didn’t want to do any of Kevin’s plans but I had to do it because I owe Kevin a lot.”

“No problem man.”

The referee then came up to us and stood in between us. He announced who the winner was by announcing the total average score that we got from the judges.
“We have a winner. With a total average of 115 points is Rafael Cruz. With a total average of 150 points, our champion by 35 points is Johann Rodriguez!”

Master Gary Gomez awarded me with a gold medal and a 1st place trophy with my name on it. Rafael then approached me and congratulated me. After the tournament, I went up to Master Gary. Nikki and Terrence stood by me the whole time.

“Johann that was a great fight you showed. You have exceeded my expectations of you and I could see that you always put your heart into your fights. Congratulations.”

“Thank you, sir.”

“Well I don’t want to take so much of your time but I just wanted to tell you that after you graduate high school, you will have a place at the Tae Kwon Do International School. You will be given a 4 year scholarship for college from us as long as you are a part of our program. You will be guaranteed a spot on Team Champions and you will be the first freshman who has ever made it on the team. So here’s my card and I already have your information. Again great fight and I can’t wait to be able to work with you.”

“Thank you, sir. Kamsahamnida.”

“Cheonmaneyo. You don’t look happy?”

“No sir, I’m really happy. In fact I feel accomplished because this is what I have been aiming for for so long.”

“Sir, hi I’m Terrence and I just want to tell you that he is really happy but he never smiles.”

“Oh, ok but great fight. I’ll be expecting that and more after high school.”

“Thank you, sir.”

After Master Gary talked to me, Nikki gave me a hug which made me feel more accomplished, if you know what I mean. We then went to the mall and hung out a bit, taking pictures, shopping and ate about 3 times. We headed home at about 7:30 pm and as we got closer to my place, the lights in my house were on, and so was Nikki’s. We got out of Terrence’s car and looked at our houses.

“Johann, go check who’s in your house and I’ll go with Nikki to see who’s at her place.”

“Yeah.”

I walked slowly into the house, just incase someone popped out of nowhere. As I entered the house, no one was in there. I walked all around the house but didn’t find anyone. All of a sudden, I heard footsteps coming from the second floor. I ran up the stairs and noticed that the lights in my dad’s room were on. I walked quietly towards his door and knocked.

“Yes?”

A deep voice answer and I opened the door. I was surprised to see who it was.

“What are you doing here?”

“What do you mean? I live here don’t I?”

“Not for the past few years.”

I turned around and walked down the stairs to the kitchen to grab a drink of water. I couldn’t believe that my dad was home. He followed me into the kitchen.

“Why are you wearing your uniform?”

“Don’t you see my medal?”

“Oh wow. You won again, no surprise.”

“Why did you come back?”

“Because I wanted to. What’s your problem? This is my house and I have all the right to go in and out of this house. Who’s paying the house, the bills, electricity, water and all those good stuff? Isn’t it me? So don’t be telling me what I’m doing here.”

“Whatever.” I walked away from him and headed to my room.

“Don’t you dare walk away from me when I’m talking to you. You have no respect. I am still your father.”

“Since when? You were always my instructor but never my father. So you have no right to tell me what to do.”

“Oh that’s how you talk to me now? You want me to take your black belt away?”

“Don’t talk to me like a child. Plus you can’t take my belt away because I am an instructor now and you have no right to take my belt away. I have a higher rank than you.”

“Who do you think you are huh?”

“Nothing like you!”

“You’re just like your mother---“

“DON’T COMPARE ME TO HER!”

“Why not? Tell me…when you were younger, you loved me so much now that you are older, you’re keeping your distance from me just like your mother.”

“Because you were never there! Why did you have to come back?”

“I found what I was looking for.”

“Well if you’re looking for a son that loves you, you still have to keep looking.”

I walked up to my room and slammed my door shut. I changed into my night clothes and hung my medal on my wall. I placed my trophy where my other trophies are. I lay on my bed and stared at the ceiling. As I was about to go to bed, my cell phone rang. It Terrence telling me that he was going to spend the night at Nikki’s place because her and her mom are getting into a huge fight. That’s when I felt something suspicious. Why when my dad went home, that’s when her mom came home too?

The next day, Nikki, Terrence and I met at the park. We were talking about how weird it was that my dad and Nikki’s mom came back home all of a sudden. But what was more bizarre was the fact that they came back on the same day. While we were talking, Nikki’s mom called her and told her to meet her at this one sushi restaurant right away. Terrence and I walked Nikki home and also went back to my place. Right when we entered, my dad was coming down the stairs and told me to get ready to go out with him. Terrence and I looked at each other and shrugged our shoulders. Terrence decided to stay home because it was a family affair, but I think it was because he didn’t want to be anywhere by my dad. I got ready quickly and I rushed down into the garage.

“Where are you taking me?”

“You’ll see.”

He drove up to a sushi restaurant but I didn’t know if that was the same restaurant that Nikki and her mom went to. When we entered the restaurant, someone called my dad from afar.

“Chris! Over here.”

As I turned my head towards that direction, I saw Nikki and I felt that there was something fishy going on. We went over to their table and I sat by Nikki. As I sat down I leaned over to Nikki and whispered to her.

“What’s going on?”

“I have no idea.”

I looked over to my dad and Nikki’s mom. The way they talked to each other and the way they looked at each other. My heart was beating so fast that I thought that it was going to explode. I couldn’t keep my mouth shut any longer and cried out my question.

“Are you two together or something?”

My dad almost choked on his sushi that he had just placed in his mouth. He looked at me then at Nikki’s mom. I glanced at Nikki’s mom and saw her nod her head like she was saying yes to him. My dad focused his attention on me again.

“Hmm…Cherie and I wanted to tell the both of you this a long time ago. We are together.”

Nikki and I were shocked. We couldn’t believe that out parents hooked up. I knew there was something awkward from the very start.

“Mom, was that the reason why you and dad got a divorce?”

“Nikki…”

“Were you having an affair with him ever since we moved into their neighborhood?”

“Honey…”

I stared at my dad and remembered the times he was on his cell phone laughing at something.

“Was she the one you were always talking to before?”

“Yes.”

“That’s why the both of you disappeared almost at the same time, huh? You two were together the whole time.”

“Son…”

“Don’t call me son. You have no right to be calling me son because you were never a father to me.”

I got up and left the restaurant. Nikki followed and caught up with me as I called for a cab. After we got dropped off at the Fisherman’s Market, we walked around to just get our minds back to normal.

“I can’t believe it. Johann…please tell me that I was just hallucinating back there at the restaurant.”

“No you weren’t. This sucks. Just when everything in our lives were going fine, that’s when they come telling us that they’re together.”

“Well…let’s just look at the bright side. At least if they do end up together, we will be living in the same house.”

“NO!”

“What? You don’t want to live with me?”

“It’s not that.”

“Oh…you’re just not used to having a girl live in your house huh?”

“No…”

“Then what?”

“Because I don’t want to have to live with a girl who I have feelings for. Spending time with her is hard enough, living with her will---OPPS…did I just say that?”

“Uhhh…I think so???”

“Fuck…my bad.”

Fortunately Terrence called me. I told him what Nikki and I found out about our parents and he was as surprised as us. Terrence then told us that he has to get back home to France because his mom called and told him that his dad was at the hospital. Nikki and I called a cab and hurried back home. When we got there, Terrence was packing his stuff again.

“Sorry guys, I really have to go.”

“What happen, Terrence?”

“My dad had a heart attack and right now he is in a coma. So my mom got me the first flight back which is now.”

“Dude are you going to be ok?”

“Yeah…I could handle this. The only thing I can’t handle is leaving the both of you with this big issue about your parents. It was just out of nowhere.”

“Don’t worry about us, we’ll handle this. Just take care of your dad for us.”

“Thanks Nikki.”

“Dude do you need a ride to the airport?”

“It’s all good. I called a cab. I didn’t want to add to your problems.”

“Come on man. You will never be a problem to us.”

“Thanks guys. I’ll come back when everything goes well alright? Damn the cab is here.”

“I’ll help you man.”

We walked Johann to the cab and said our goodbyes again. We watched as he disappeared into the distance and Nikki and I looked at each other. At that moment, everything was awkward because what I said to her earlier. Nikki and I walked over to the park where we were at earlier. Nikki and I haven’t spoken ever since Terrence left. We sat on the swings and Nikki looked at me.

“About what you said earlier…”

“Yeah…uhh sorry about that. I couldn’t hold it in.”

“No it’s ok. At least you finally opened up to me, even though it was pretty shocking but yeah…please don’t tell me that you were lying.”

“No, I wasn’t lying this time. Oh and you remember the roses you received after your concert? Well yeah I sent those.”

“I know…I’ve known.”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah…I don’t know. I just had a feeling it was you.”

“Oh…wait that’s why you asked me before if I wanted to tell you anything else.”

“Yeah…well since you’ve been honest with me, I guess it’s my turn.”

“You like me too huh?”

“WHAT? How did you know?”

“I saw the way you looked at me. You think I’m sexy. But seriously I saw the way you cared about me.”

“Oh my gosh! You’re smiling!”

“Yeah I can’t hold it in.”

“Now we have to deal with our parents.”

“I don’t care what they say…they could say anything they want because they don’t even know us.”

“You’re right.”

Later that night I walked Nikki home. When we got to her place, we were standing by the end of her driveway. I just couldn’t help but look at her.

“That look.”

“What look?”

“You’ve always looked at me that way ever since we were young.”

“Well…at least now you know why these eyes are looking at you.”

“Yeah…and I’m glad that I know but please don't get cheesy with me.”

Out of nowhere, Nikki’s mom yelled for her to come inside.

“What’s your mom’s problem?”

“Maybe she’s in her menopause stage…”

“Shouldn’t she have started her menopause thingy a long time ago?”

“Ha-ha…you’re so mean. Remember she’s still my mom.”

“I know.”

“NIIIIIIKKKKKKKIIIIIII!!!!! COME INSIDE NOW!!!”

“Ok hold on…Johann…”

“Yeah?”

“I like you better like this…all happy and talking about stuff. Especially you’re smiling now.”

“It’s because I finally have a reason to smile.”

“Eww…you’re corny…”

“Corny but sweet…”

“Uhh stop it….he-he just kidding.”

“I SAID COME INSIDE NOW NIKKI!”

“I think you better go in…your mom is about to explode…”

“Ha-ha I know huh…well good night.”

“Good night.”

I watched Nikki as she went inside. I looked up to Nikki’s balcony and saw her mom staring at me then turned around to go inside. When I walked in my house, my dad was sitting on the couch. I walked straight to the stairs but my dad stopped me.

“Why did you walk out like that?”

“Isn’t that the same way you walked out of my life? You should be proud because at least I got something from you.”

“Don’t you dare talk to me like that! Do you know how much you humiliated me in front of Cherie?”

“I don’t care. Shouldn’t I be humiliated because you’re the reason why Nikki’s parents got a divorce?”

“JOHANN!”

“You know what, don’t be telling me what I should do and shouldn’t do ok. You’re not my dad because what I know is that my dad left me out of the blue. My dad is dead. Fuck don’t be ruining my night.”

I walked to my room and again slammed the door closed. Everything I said came from the heart, but I didn’t want it to come out that way. I sat on my bed and placed my hands on my face. After about a few minutes, Nikki called me.

“Johann…”

“Yeah? Are you upset?”

“Uhm…it’s not important.”

“No tell me.”

“Nothing…my mom just told me something.”

“What? It can’t be worst than what my dad told me.”

“Uhmm…my mom just told me stuff. Like we just had a girl talk awhile ago…”

“Oh…so that’s why you sound upset?”

“Sort of…she told me that if I were to have a boyfriend, she doesn’t want him to be like you…”

“She doesn’t like me huh? I already a feeling.”

“Johann…but I like you…”

“I like you too…who cares what your mom says. She doesn’t even know me.”

“I know. I just hate how now she’s trying to take over my life. I mean what can she do if I like you right? She’s in love with your father.”

“Just ignore it.”

“You sound pretty pissed too…did you and you’re dad fight again?”

“Do you still have ask?”

“Hah…yeah.”

We spent the whole night talking. I haven’t been this happy for a long time, I mean ever.

The days passed and Nikki and I have been getting closer and closer. The person that I used to be has disappeared although; I still hid some stuff inside of me. One day I took Nikki skateboarding. We skated all the way to the beach where I had something waiting for her. When we got there, we sat in the sand and waited for awhile.

“Why do you keep looking at your watch?”

“I don’t know…”

“Why did you bring me here?”

“To relax a bit.”

After about twenty minutes, the something that I was waiting for finally arrived.

“Hey Nikki…”

“Huh?”

“Look up.”

As Nikki looked up, the something that I planned did what it was supposed to do at the right time. It was a plane that wrote out what I wanted to ask her.

NIKKI GIL…WOULD YOU BE MY GIRLFRIEND?

By the time she looked up, the plane was making a heart around the text. Nikki looked at me and smiled.
“Oh my gosh…I’m speechless.”

“Look at what time is.”

I showed her my watch and she looked at me again.

“It’s 1:43 pm.”

“So what’s your answer…and hurry up before it turns 1:44.”

“Yes…yes…YES!!!”

We both got up and I hugged her. Finally, the girl that I’ve been crushing on for how many years is mine. I know that I will never let her go.

About two years have passed since we’ve been together. We’ve graduated high school and Nikki was our class valedictorian. I graduated with honors which is already accomplishing for me. For once my dad was there even though things between were still the same. Nikki and I hid our relationship from our parents for the last two years. Of course we’ve had our ups and downs but what relationship doesn’t go through that. We were now attending college; however, we’re away from each other. She was attending the University of California Berkley, taking up a doctorate’s degree while I was attending California Institute of Technology on my scholarship, taking up Electrical Engineering. At the same time, I was training at the Tae Kwon Do International School for the Team Champions. We were able to handle a long distance relationship because we spent every break together. After two years in college, we took a short break and went back home to San Francisco. Although this time it was different. Once we got home, our parents confronted us together.

“Nikki, didn’t I tell that if you were going to have a boyfriend make sure it isn’t Johann?”

“But mom…”

“Wait, Cherie, what’s wrong with Johann?”

“He’s not a good influence on Nikki.”

“He’s still my son.”

“Wow…you finally stood up for me.”

“Johann shut up.”

Our parents were going at it. Telling us what we should and shouldn’t do. Nikki and I were sitting there patiently as they argued back and forth. All of a sudden, Cherie said something that I didn’t expect that she would say.

“Nikki, Johann I want you both to end this relationship.”

“No! You can’t tell me to break up with Nikki just because you don’t like me for her.”

I walked out and Nikki followed. We walked to the park and their I think we had our first biggest argument ever.

“Johann…let’s just pretend that we broke up so my mom won’t bug me any longer.”

“Why? Nikki you’re mom can’t just tell us to break up ok.”

“We’re just going to pretend…what’s the problem with that?”

“It seems like you can’t fight for us. I mean I’m here trying to make things work and I’m the only one standing up for this relationship.”

“Johann…please…”

“I don’t get it…we’ve been together for two years and now just because your mom found out about us, you’re backing out?”

“I’m not! I’m just saying let’s pretend that we broke up already so she could chill.”

“Do you even know what you’re saying? We’ve been away from each other for so long and now that we’re together again…”

“Johann…that’s the point. We’ve been together for two years and we’ve gone our separate ways for college. We’ve grown away from each other.”

“What are you talking about? Every time we see each other during breaks…wait don’t tell me…”

“I think we should end our relationship here before things get worst between us.”

“No! Nothing will get worst. We just have to work harder.”

“Johann…maybe in the long run we’ll be able to make this relationship work. But for now…let’s just focus on what’s more important…our future.”

“You didn’t have to make your mom an excuse. If you wanted to break up before you should’ve just did it. Not make me wait. You have no idea how excited I was to spend three months here with you. Now you’re just going to ruin for me?”

“Johann…please…”

“You have no idea how hard it will be to move on. You---you’re just like my mom, making someone fall for you but you’ll just leave them in the end.”

“You don’t understand me…”

“How can I understand you? This is all non-sense.”

“I’m sorry but let’s just call it quits.”

I stared into Nikki’s eyes and tears rolled down my eyes. Nikki walked away.

Days passed and Nikki and I haven’t said a word to each other. We were avoiding each other and for once I felt what my dad might have felt when my mom left him. I spent most of my vacation at the dojo, helping out my dad teach classes. One day, someone just came in and called my name.

“Sir Rodriguez.”

I turned around and was surprised to see who it was.

“Casey? Is that you?”

“Wow you still remember me.”

“Yeah…how are you these days?”

“I’ve been ok…how about you?”

“Uhmm…I don’t know…”

“Still the same Johann I know.”

“Not really…”

“So you busy?”

“Nope…why you want to hang out?”

“Sure why not.”

Casey and I walked around the block then decided to go to the mall. We caught up of stuff that has been going on in our lives. What I didn’t know was Nikki was also at the mall. Casey and I were laughing so much while we were talking. We headed for the arcade and started fooling around. I haven’t laughed like that for awhile especially after Nikki and I broke up. We then headed to the movie theaters where we bumped into Nikki. Nikki just looked at me and walked away. When she looked at me, I felt that it bothered her that I was with Casey. I saw that she wanted to cry because as the light shined against her eyes, I could see a bright reflection of light.

“Who was that?”

“Oh…my friend.”

“Do you mean your ex-girlfriend?”

“How do you know?”

“Remember I know everything?”

“Oh yeah.”

After we watched a movie, we headed home. I dropped her off at her place and found out that she was leaving the next day to go back to the Philippines. I was glad I was able to hang out with her before she left. The truth is that I used to think she was pretty cute but as I got to know her, she’s like one of the guys which made her cooler. I went home and as I got out of my car, Nikki was on her driveway looking at me. I glanced at her but didn’t say anything until she called me.

“Johann.”

“What?”

“Can we talk?”

I went over to her.

“About what.”

“Johann, I’m sorry. I was so stupid for letting you go. You were right; I didn’t know how to stand up to my mom. I didn’t know how to fight for our relationship. Johann, I made a mistake.”

“Are you saying this because you saw me with Casey? I was just hanging out with her.”

“I know, its just that I hate seeing you having fun with another girl.”

“Are you jealous?”

“Johann….”

“Nikki, I think you should go in before your mom sees us talking to each other.”

“I thought you love me?”

“Nikki, I never….said…that…I loved you.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Me too. You’re right maybe there are more important things to focus on instead of us.”

I walked away and went inside the house. I ignored my dad as he called me and went straight up to my room. I cried myself to sleep that night.

Two months passed since we’ve been back home. I mean we still see each other when we’re having dinner together with our parents but it wasn’t the same. My dad has noticed how much our break has affected me and confronted me one day.

“Johann, can we talk?”

“About what?”

“I don’t things that have been going on with your life that I missed.”

“I don’t feel like it.”

“Johann, I’ve seen how breaking up with Nikki has affected you. I don’t want you to go through what I went through with your mom.”

“Aren’t you proud? I grew up to be just like you even though I tried to avoid being like you.”

“Johann, tell Nikki you love her. Who cares what her mom says ok. Her mom doesn’t know you and she has no right telling the both of you to break up. She’ll learn to like you. It might take awhile, but she’ll learn.”

“Why are you telling me this?”

“Because you’re my son.”

“Thanks dad.”

“That’s the first time you called me dad in a long time.”

After my dad told me that, I planned something to do to ask Nikki back out again. This time, I was planning to do it at the park, the park that we always went to when we were younger. I called her up that night and told her to meet me over there around 6 o’ clock pm the next day. That night I wrote a song that was dedicated and written for her.

I spent the whole next day fixing everything, from saying sorry to getting her back again. I would say that I was more than prepared as night came. The dinner was set; I had my guitar ready by the bench where I was planning to sing her the song. I was waiting for her on swings, where we usually sit all the time. While I was waiting, I heard footsteps coming towards me. I thought that it was Nikki and pretended that I couldn’t hear her.

“Johann…it’s been what? About two years?”

It was a deep voice that was talking to me. I turned around and I was surprised to see that it was Kevin.

“What are you doing here? I thought you were in Nevada?”

“I was. But I have some unfinished business here. You see I’ve been waiting for you for so long and finally I get to continue what I was supposed to do before.”

Kevin pulled out a gun out of his jacket and pointed it straight at me. I got up and tried to get the gun out of his hands. It was like we were fighting in a tournament again. The gun dropped and I heard Nikki call me.

“JOHANN!!!”

I looked over at Nikki and ran towards her. I hugged her but then all of sudden she got in front of me and before I knew, Nikki fell back into my arms.

“NIKKI!!!”

I heard another shot and as I looked up, Kevin was on the ground. I saw Terrence running towards me as I held Nikki in my arms. Terrence called 911 to get an ambulance there quickly. I looked at Nikki as she was trying to fight for her life. The bullet shot through her left chest.

“Nikki…please…hang in there.”

“Jo-Joh-ann…I-I want t-to let y-you know…”

“Nikki no hang in there please…”

“I-I l-lo-love you.”

“I love you too…Nikki I love you so much.”

“I-I’m gon-- m-miss y-you…”

Nikki held my hand as tight as I held hers. I pulled her closer into my arms and whispered how much I loved her. Terrence ran up to us.

“Nikki hang on tight…the ambulance will be here soon. Johann keep talking to her…I’m going to meet the ambulances at the corner so I can point out where you guys are ok. Keep talking to her! Nikki hang in there!”

I sat there thinking of what to say. Whenever I felt that Nikki was letting go, I squeezed her hand and held her closer as I rocked her and forth. As we waited I sang her the song I wrote for her.

“I wish your heart was big enough for the two of us, sure wouldn’t mind, I forgot the bottom line. Cause you’re, a little too perfect, a little too good for me. I ain’t saying I’m trouble but trouble’s that you knock me off my feet. A little too perfect, a little too good for me. You ain’t blowing no cover, but hey, I’m gonna catch you anyway…”

As I finished, Nikki took a deep breath and loosened her grip from my hands. Nikki slowly fell heavily on my chest. As I look to check her pulse, it was over. Nikki was gone.

“NIKKI!!!!! NO! NIKKI!!!”

I held her close to my arms and told her I loved her for the last time. At that moment, I realized that the best things in life are priceless. You never know what you had until you lose it. Nikki still remains in my heart where no one will ever replace her. She was the reason why I am the person I am now. My relationship with my dad became stronger and her mom seemed to accept me more as the time goes by. My friendship with Terrence is a lifetime even though he lives in France. My whole change because of one person. The person who understood me and loved me for who I was. The only girl that I will love in a certain way. I still have her heart and I know she left with mines.

“Why are telling me this?”

“I don’t know…you wanted to know about my past. So I told you.”

“Johann…Thanks for telling me and trusting me.”

“Of course, you’re the second girl that understood me and that’s why every mistake that I did in the past, I’ll make sure I won’t do it to you.”

“Nikki’s a big part of you life and I can’t blame you if you can’t love me as much as you loved her.”

“Thanks, Riza.”

“No, thanks for being open to me.”

Labels: Novel